Blogger Belle De Jour's coming-out press parade has been an ugly glimpse into how the public responds to well-educated sex workers who act with apparent awareness and agency. When Brooke Magnanti, a young neurotoxicologist working at a university, revealed herself to be the famous anonymous prostitute who spawned a book and TV series, the reactions were characteristic of those aimed at her while her identity was unknown: incredulity, crude criticism, and outright denial of her experiences.
The most common complaint leveled at Belle both before and after the reveal is that her memoir "glamorizes" prostitution—as though simply telling the truth about one's life is synonymous with promoting those circumstances. It's fascinating that in both England and the US, selling sex for money is assumed to be so alluring to most women as to need nothing more than one woman's non-traumatic experiences to convince thousands of other to join the hooker ranks. (Perhaps this is, in some ways, tacit acknowledgement of how few high-paying careers seem readily accessible to women or the pay gap that exists in both countries?) [Read more]
Yes, you can and should have sex during your period. More importantly, we need to celebrate menstruation.
There was a time in my life when I didn't want to have sex… at all. Being a sex educator, this presented some challenges. Was my work a farce? Was I a phony? If I didn't want to screw around, how was I supposed to stand in front of others and affirm their desire to frolic? Stereotypes that had plagued me my entire career popped into my head: "Aren't sex educators supposed to always be ready for a romp?
Well not this one. In fact, many of us (sex educators) don't want "it" as often as you may think. There's a dirty little secret we don't want the public (or our fellow colleagues) to know about. Surprise! Sex Educators deal with many of the same issues regular folk do: lack of desire, body image issues, anxiety, and sexual hang-ups. [Read more]
This essay originally appeared in the October, 2009 issue of Adult Video News. Reprinted with Permission.
Joani Blank broke a mold in the adult toy industry 32 years ago when she created Good Vibrations as a place for women to get not just sex toys but also accurate information about sexuality and sexual products. She was inspired to open the store by her experience working with "pre-orgasmic women's groups"—a kind of therapy/consciousness-raising group that allowed women who weren't reliably orgasmic to obtain information and skills that would let them experience their sexuality more fully. In this context, women learned not only from the sex therapist group leaders, but also from all the women present; as they spoke up in turn, everyone learned from similarities and differences in each others' experiences. And they were encouraged to try vibrators, which led to Joani's "aha" moment: Over and over she heard women say they could never go into one of "those places" to get one, and she realized women who wanted to shop for sexual products needed a new kind of place. [Read more]
Thanksgiving coming up gives me the perfect opportunity to talk about one of the things that I like best about life and being in a body—the fact that the better things feel, the better they are for you. [Read more]
All Hallows Eve is over, but the vampire blood lust intensifies as the days leading to New Moon’s premier draws closer. It was a year ago that Twilight hit the big screen with reluctant teen idol Robert Pattinson as the brooding vampire Edward Cullen, launching the film and the Twi-Saga-franchise into a global phenomenon. Since then, RPattz—as he has been baptized by the media—was voted the “Most Handsome Man in the World” by Vanity Fair and the “Sexiest Man on the Planet 2009” by Heat magazine. And, Twi-hards can’t get enough, with teen emos offering up their lily-white necks for him to devour and Twi-Moms shrieking like boy-crazy banshees behind bloody barricades, the world hasn’t seen this kind of raging hormonal hysteria since Elvis-the-Pelvis laid down his swiveling hips (RIP). [Read more]
Once upon a time, when people still smoked in hospital corridors, a group of us took “Lola” to the emergency room. Lola had overdosed (again), and as she was semi-conscious, she was not looking her best. She was wearing a ratty old chenille bathrobe over her jeans. Stubble dotted her chin and cheeks. Lola claimed to be a true hermaphrodite (that was the word in those days) and ordinarily, she was very chic. Her Biba makeup was usually immaculate, and she was never without her ugly Louis Vuitton handbag. I knew, without knowing how I knew, that some moneyed trick had taken her shopping. (So it wasn’t just any old handbag, it was a trophy.) Lola also had one of the most beautifully expressive, nuanced, and modulated voices I’ve ever been privileged to hear, with something of the gravel purr of the British actress, Joan Greenwood. [Read more]
- Audio:
Hey sex fans,
Did you miss me last week? I know, I know; it was beyond my control. Sorry to disappoint. But, to make it up to you, I have the real deal for you today. That’s right, we’re gonna get some mighty impressive Sex EDGE-U-cation from one of the luminaries of gay porn. I’m talkin big, big star here people, and that’s both literally and figuratively, if ya catch my drift. [Read more]
“Girls! Girls! Girls!” the red neon lights proclaim as I walk along Broadway in San Francisco's North Beach. Other bright lights and a few full scale pictures of scantily clad women also do their best to entice me into the titty bars and strip clubs.
I reach the end of the street, though, and turn back, surprised and slightly disappointed. Where are the adverts for "legal" teenage porn movies, which I am accustomed to seeing in Amsterdam's red light district? Where are the plastic pussies hanging out of every window? The photos of women sucking horse cocks? The four-foot-tall black dildos? The rubber asses (special offer on butt plugs included)? [Read more]
New Jersey resident Lisa Vandever has been the sole driving force behind CineKink, "the really alternative film festival," since she founded it in 2003. That slogan may sound like hype, but CineKink really has lived up to it. For one thing, no matter what you hear about the parties at Sundance, you can guarantee that none of the official ones are like Afterglow—the play party that finishes off the main festival in New York every year. But that aside, the whole purpose of CineKink sets it apart from other film festivals. Whereas sex seems to make even many queer film festivals squeamish, Vandever has a knack for compiling programs that traverse the spectrum from vanilla to the most obscure varieties of kink, from art-school documentaries to outright porn.
CineKink proper happens every February in New York City, but when Vandever wraps up on the last night in the East Village's Anthology Film Archives, her work has really only begun. After that, she takes the show on the road, screening selections from the main festival in cities across the country and across the world. CineKink has gone to Chicago, Portland, Seattle, British Columbia, Minneapolis, Cleveland, and most recently, even to Berlin. This week, it's San Francisco's turn. From Thursday to Saturday, CineKink will be at the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts, showing a different program of films every night. CarnalNation asked Dusty Horn to talk to Vandever about her visions of sexuality and film.
After taking thousands of pictures around the globe with my trusty Pentax, I bought a digital camera last week. [Read more]
I’m a twenty-six-year-old woman, and I’ve never had sex. I get into relationships and enjoy intimacy, making out, and fondling but the idea of having a penis inside of me scares the hell out of me. I have strong sexual feelings, but I’m just afraid of penetration. As my relationships progress, I tend to break them off so I can avoid the awkward conversation about my virginity. Otherwise, I’m a normally-adjusted woman with great friends and family, a relatively active dating life and a good job. What's wrong with me?
[Read more]O
nce upon a time, there was an entity called community. It evolved out of the retro notion that people needed one another both to survive and thrive. It began with blood ties, since in the old days most of the support network around an individual happened to have a biologically-related component. But as people ventured out of these clans and the world became more global, communities became more fluid. Those whose blood ties fell short of support suddenly began to band together to form new families. These new outsider families were given labels—Beat, hippie, punk, queer—and often overlapped in their membership. But then a strange thing happened. As those communities grew, they began to splinter into ever more niches until identity suddenly required the individual to choose sides against oneself and family. Were you a lesbian first and a black woman second? And why would a black lesbian set foot in a white gay male bar? Where once there was a GLBT community that felt unrepresented in the media and in society at large, there's now a queer silent majority reeling from the over-saturated mainstream images of a cookie-cutter gay life they don't conform to or recognize at all. [Read more]Hey sex fans,
We’re back with more of The Erotic Mind podcast series. Over the last year and half, we’ve spent numerous hours with talented authors who have talked with us about their creations — erotic short story or novels. Today we diverge a bit from our standard fair to broaden that perspective to include another type of sex writing — the memoir. [Read more]
CarnalNation Comics: Sunday, November 15, 2009
Click Images to view comics. [Read more]
How Sex Works:
Why We Look, Smell, Taste, Feel,
and Act the Way We Do
By Sharon Moalem
Harper Collins
26.99, 288 pp.
Back during the beginning of railroads, many stations had a book lending program. You'd rent a book from your starting station and then return it to the store at your destination. It seems like an eminently sensible system, and How Sex Works by Dr. Sharon Moalem is the perfect book for it. It's almost ridiculous to issue a book like this in hardcover 'cause we all know where a book like this—a slight 230 pages promising to answer provocative questions abut sex and attraction—lives and breeds: the airport bookstore's 2-for-1 paperback section. New York Times columnists make up about half of this section's ecosphere and Dr. Moalem, with many TV-friendly appearances and another Times bestseller under his belt, is no exception. The song title chapters practically beg you to treat it lightly. [Read more]The earth moved. No, it wasn't an orgasm. I mean the earth moved!
Neither of us has ever been in flagrante during a quake—which, given that we both live in San Francisco, probably tells you something about how often we get laid. [Read more]
Aneros Prostate Massager
Buy it here:Price:$64.00
Anatomically designed and medically researched to work perfectly with a man's body, this unique prostate massager's shape converts the sphincter's natural contractions into a simultaneous prostate and perineum stimulation -- all without batteries or use of your hands. Many users report unique orgasmic sensations from this effective stimulation, and regular use will help tone a man's PC muscles, which can help improve, control, and intensify orgasm.
Details
4" long x 3/4" wide (10.2 cm long x 1.9 cm wide)
Hard Plastic
White
Facts & Features- Anal-safe
- Non-porous
- Easy to clean
- Waterproof
- Medically researched and atomically designed for prostate massage
- Regular use helps tone male PC muscles
- Unique shape for hands-free prostate and perineum stimulation
Yes, women ask this question on the site and in Betty's private practice. All orgasms are different. Learn how to know if you had one.
Video:My dad's best friend died last week. Heart attack. He was 60, barely older than my dad, not old enough for his heart to give way. They've been friends for 35 years, longer than I've been alive. I got a heartbreaking email from my father about how they met, where they'd traveled together, and his favorite joke (What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything).
In his eulogy, his son wrote that he was "a devoted family man, one who extended the term to cover a great many individuals, supporting and caring for those who needed him."
And I thought, that's radical masculinity. [Read more]
“Hi! Let me start out by saying that I am an amatuer [sic] at this. I am currently enrolled in college and me and my roomates [sic] are trying to earn a little extra money to pay for our studies... The panties that I am selling me and my coeds will be wearing and sharing this way they are extra juicy. The panties will not be worn any less than 24 hours. We will be wearing them to all of our classes all day this way I am sure they get hot and steamy... Buy my used panties right here.”
These are desperate times. And while these “coeds” have little grasp of grammar and clearly can’t spell, they and their sisters in commerce have figured out enough HTML to construct panty-selling websites, so I suppose we can be proud of our American educational system after all. [Read more]
Having discussed sex and language and the relationship between the two last week, I had been planning on writing about a totally different topic this week. However, after reading the thought-provoking comments left below the article (thank you to those who took the time to write them!) and feeling like there was so much more to talk about, I decided to write about sexual language this week as well.
People have written books, essays, articles and novels on the subjects of sex and language, and so I do not presume that two columns will cover everything there is to say on the subject. However, I certainly believe that such an interesting, complex topic deserves a little more column space. [Read more]
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