CARNAL NATION

Virginity, by definition, is a one-time thing. It's not like riding the Matterhorn at Disneyland; you don't finish the ride, then get back in line for another go. Usually, anyway. A Russian woman known in press reports only as Natalia K. has used the wonders of modern technology to let her husband take the ride six times, and is now in intensive care as a result.

Natalia married her husband at 24 years old; after the wedding, Natalia's husband confessed to her that it bothered him that he wasn't her first man. For their first anniversary, Natalia decided to make it up to him. She had an operation to restore her hymen so that at long last, her husband could live the dream of being her cherry-poppin' daddy. It was such a success that Natalia did it the next year. And the next. And the next, for a total of six hymenoplasty procedures.

The sixth time Natalia came in to get her virginity back—or at least the ring of tissue that symbolizes it—the doctors told her that it might not be such a good idea to keep doing this. Against the advice of her doctors, Natalia signed a waiver and went into the operating room. Apparently, she should have listened; her immune system was weakened from years of surgery and she wound up in intensive care from an opportunistic infection. Maybe Natalia and her husband will consider celebrating their seventh anniversary with something from Hallmark, instead.