Hickeys

This hickey on my neck is going to be the subject of a very interesting discussion with my spouse if I can't figure out a way to get rid of it.

Let's start with a talk about your relationship with your spouse, shall we? If you're doing things that engender hickeys, and you don't want your spouse to know about it, we feel safe in speculating that honesty isn't a core value in your relationship. While we're not your mommies and this is your choice to make, we'd like to suggest that ongoing concealment is hard on you, as well as on your relationships with your spouse and your hickey-giver. We recommend that you consider other options, including fidelity or a consensually open relationship.

But you're not reading this for a lecture on sexual ethics, we suppose. So let's talk about that hickey.

A hickey is basically a bunch of broken capillaries under the surface of your skin, caused by a combination of suction and pressure: essentially a shallow surface-level bruise. You can help prevent it by getting ice on the hickified area immediately after you gt sucked on, but our experience is that we're rarely that level-headed at such moments. Still, if you can, put an icepack on your next (or whatever part of you is affectede) for 20 minutes, and repeat that every hour for 24 hours.

If the moment got past you and your are definitely marked now, you'll have to cover it up somehow. Turtleneck sweaters can be one option (and if you're in Miami in August, well, serves you right). If you want to try make-up, look for 'cream concealer' at the cosmetics counter and try to pick some that's a good match for your skin. If the marked skin is tanned, matcht he concealer to the back of your hand; if it's not, try the inside of your elbow.

Special Warning: Hot water can bring up marks you thought had faded. Be careful for he next few weeks around showers and hot tubs, or you (and your spouse) may be in for a surprise.

By the way, you kinky folks out there: these same strategies work for welts and shallow bruises. Over-the-counter antihistamines like Benadryl can also help fade welts, but they make many people drowsy so be careful.

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My favorite trick is the

My favorite trick is the toothbrush trick. Scrub in outward motions VERY gently with a toothbrush, then ice for a bit, then scrub for a bit, then ice for as long as you can stand it. It helps break up the clotted blood in your skin. After a few hours you'll still have a red mark, but most of the dark tell-tale redness of a hickey will be gone. Just don't do what I did and scrub until you get a scab. That was harder to explain than the hickey. D'oh.

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Charles Moser and Janet Hardy
June 12th, 2009
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Charles Moser, Ph.D., M.D., received his doctorate from the Institute for Advanced Study in Human Sexuality, where he is now a Professor of Sexology and Dean of Professional Studies. He went on to earn his medical degree from Hahnemann University School of Medicine in Philadelphia in 1991. He is board certified in internal medicine, and he is also a board-certified sexologist. He maintains a private internal medicine practice in San Francisco, with a focus on sexual concerns and the medical problems of sexual minorities.

Janet W. Hardy (aka Catherine A. Liszt and Lady Green) is a writer, perv, girlfag, pain slut, and educator. The author or co-author of ten books about alternative sexuality, she has spoken at hundreds of conferences and workshops around the world.

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