CARNAL NATION

Wow, it sounds like you hit the jackpot with this boyfriend—lots of sexy kinky fun stuff to play with and explore. And it sounds like he hit the jackpot with you—someone who is GGG: good, giving, and game, which is something Dan Savage often talks about (more about him later). It's nice to hear from someone whose sex life is hot and happening!

So what do you do to find your own fetishes, your own kinks? You keep looking around. You explore; you try things out; you follow the things that feel exciting, heated, hot. And forgive me if I sound rude here, but that's really not a problem. That's a fantastic place to be in! You've got the whole world of BDSM and kink and sexplay to explore, and a bunch of self-knowledge and self-awareness to come upon as you do it.

Don't get down on yourself because someone else is somewhere in their own sexual journey that you are not. As you explore this more and more, you'll find things that feel endless and so deep to explore, things you'll want to do over and over and over again.

Here's some more specific suggestions:

• Look up the “BDSM checklist” on the internet. Perhaps you'll come across something on the list that really excites you.
• Masturbate, get off, and let your mind wander. What turns you on to think about? What does your brain do when you just let it go?
• Remember, the Internet is for porn. I don't know what kind of porn you like—actually, I'm not even sure of your orientation, other than that you're sleeping with a guy—or I'd give you some specific suggestions. But I'm sure if you're reading CarnalNation, you can figure out how to look around for porn that you might be interested in exploring. Look at it specifically to expand your horizons—read some sexblogs, surf around, follow links.
• Look up some podcasts, especially Savage Lovecast by Dan Savage, if you don't already. Has some fantastic philosophies about sex and sex positivity and fetishes.

You might actually have to set aside some time to do this—it might not just come to you through your usual sex and relationship explorations with your partner. Set aside time to surf online, to get off, to be alone with your own sexuality, and let it wander without judgment. Yeah, it'll be time consuming, but the payoff is huge. Good luck.