Why Do Other Feminists Want Me To Shut Up and Sit Down?
"I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a door mat or a prostitute." ~Rebecca West, "Mr Chesterton in Hysterics: A Study in Prejudice," The Clarion, 14 Nov 1913, reprinted in The Young Rebecca, 1982
As most feminists-in-training have, I've seen this quote before. had heard it before when I was young and just beginning to come into my own with feminism. But only recently did I learn that "or a prostitute" was part of the sentiment expressed. Lovely. Cause prostitutes and feminists are on opposite sides, right?
Well, guess what, Rebecca West, Andrea Dworkin , and Julie Bindel —listen up. I'm a feminist and a prostitute. Yup, I peddle in sex and sexual expression. I spread my legs for money, too, sometimes. I wear red lipstick and high heels and talk dirty. Sometimes I wrap my body in corsets and leather. Sometimes I wear converse and jeans. I run my show the way I want it to be run, and I don't roll over and play feminine fantasy Mistress.
Do I sell sex? Yes. Do I sell a perfectly manicured Domme dream figure? Um... no.
One of the major complaints I've run into as a feminist and a sex worker is that I'm adding to the objectification of female bodies as commodities. One excellent and now ex-blogger Bitchy Jones used to write a lot about this, about how professional dominatrixes ruined femdom for female dominants, by feeding into the passivity of "my pretty is my worth". Or, to quote:
I don’t just mean in porn – I mean the whole ‘story’ of femdom runs along these lines.
It’s pretty interesting that, where men have decided to allow women to have ‘power’ for their own wanky needs, that this is the kind of power they choose to give her. The power of being desired. A completely passive power.
And I’ve told you before dominant sexuality is all about *desiring*. Dominant sexuality is active – not passive.
*Wanting* not being wanted.
*Demanding* not being demanded.
But the beautiful Amazon thing is woven into the fabric of femdom (black PVC – since you ask).
Now, I get what she's saying here. Definitely. Though, that said, I feel like it's a myth that's been making the rounds, that you have to fit a certain type of beauty to be financially viable as a sex worker. I have not found that to be the case, and, looking at other pro Domme websites, there's a lot of body types and variety in ages, and of all of the types of sex work where you have face-to-face contact, pro Domming is probably the least likely to judge you on your looks, but rather your reputation and skills.
I think in a consumerist society we tend to judge people on what we think they're worth an awful lot, whatever your profession. I mean, I can't show up to the office wearing whatever I want, not having brushed my hair or teeth- no matter where you work, looking presentable is generally required. I don't think that's limited to sex work. But- sex work is older than consumerism. It used to be sacred. And honestly, if I was in an environment where my housing and food needs were taken care of in a quality way, and if I didn't need money to get by the way we do now, I'd be a sacred whore, doing it for the energy and the exchange, not for the money.
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