Originally published in Rope, Bondage, and Power. Reprinted by permission of the author.
Queer. Feminist. Submissive. Rope Slut. These are a few of the words that I embrace as part of my identity. As a queer-identified person I've always been more aggressive around my sexuality.
If you are queer, you are queer no matter who you are having sex with and you are engaging in queer sex because it is part of your identity. If you are a kinky rope slut, that is still an element of your identity even when engaging in vanilla sex. If you are a feminist, you are engaging in sex-positive feminist bondage because this is a part of your identity and you are aware of, embrace and are ultimately in control of the sex you are having, the BDSM you are taking part in, and are able to engage in and play with power structures because of your strong sense of self.
I knew that I didn't want what other girls wanted. Instead I wanted other girls. This was catalyst for me to be active in my sexuality and my identity rather than being passive and following the ebb and flow of the world around me in small town Ohio. My sexuality and identity were always something that I had to fight for and to educate others around. It was part of my politics. My aggressiveness in my queer identity translated to an aggressiveness in my claiming my submission and at the same time a profound freedom in rope bondage. I have a deep desire for intense sensation. Just as some desire the light touch of a hand grazing across their body, I desire the deep thud of a 2x4 and rope hugging tight across my breasts restricting my breath and bringing me closer to orgasm.
"The rope wrapped tightly around my body. So very tight. I could feel in that rope every bear hug that I ever gave my cousins and kids on the school yard. Bear hugs that were so tight it could send them running. Send them into a fit of tears. So tight like I would grab on to my teachers leg in 1st and 2nd grade not wanting them to leave for the summer. So tight when I was a 6-year-old girl, I would grab onto my father and sob for him not to leave. Hold on tight. I could smell the scent of my father's sweatshirt after work that would linger with rope fibers and leaf bits, the touch of his callused hands and the bristle from his bearded cheeks. I felt those memories those scents, wrapped tightly around me. Biting into me. It felt safe like home. I would never let go and neither would they. I felt secure in their presence, in the rope.
It was like falling in love fast and hard . There was some pain involved as your body manipulated itself in this hold to adjust for another being. But the entire time you know that it will hurt much more to part with your lover,the rope. That it will break your heart to exist with out its presence. It was comforting. A place of warmth and security. A place that I believed in, that I belonged to. And I never really wanted to leave."
Why do we engage in rope bondage as a tool within D/s? Why is it fascinating and erotically stimulating to engage in power exchange and to disassemble power structures that have been put in place by a social normative? We are breaking the rules. As queers, as feminists, as kinky persons, and sexual outlaws we have always been breaking the rules. Going outside of the designated sexual norms as we search for connection, community, and fulfillment in our sexual lives and identities. Our sexual selves were not handed to us so we have eroticized the disassembling of traditional power structures and protocols and have built our own to use as our sex toys.
In the relationship with one in which I serve, rope is used as a treat or a reward for good behavior. In this way rope is largely used to gain power of me as a submissive and to motivate my behavior. I know that if I do as I'm told I will be rewarded with rope. I'm a rope fetishist and get off on the scent, the touch, the taste, the bite of rope. I often think of rope as a fine wine and a personal fantasy of mine is to attend an event structured as a "rope tasting" similar to a wine tasting. I'm still waiting for this to happen, so if one is assembled please do send me an invite.
Rope can also be used in order to engage in sadistic and masochistic pleasures by inflicting "pain" on the the submissive. Examples of which could include quick and painful suspensions that are not meant for sustainability, tight nipple bondage, and predicament bondage situations . Take downs and strict bondage that pushes the body to extreme situations( such as extreme back arching) can be quite painful, challenging and absolutely delicious options for using rope within power play.
I knew from the time that I started socializing with other children that I was different. And I knew that education and the arts were my ticket to a larger community of people where I may find connection. By high school I had convinced my parents to release me into a performing arts school in downtown Cincinnati to study theater. I was determined to find connection and community and a sense of self amongst the chaos of art. And although there was some struggle along the way, I did find what I was looking for.
On a stage cracked open in front of hundreds of audience members. Stripped away of all ego and left open and vulnerable we learned how to allow for connection with other performers in front of an audience. How to share energy with one another. We learned what it meant to be centered, grounded, to be in our bodies and out of our heads. We learned how to be a conduit for art and energy and how to allow these things to run into and out of our bodies, our mouths our finger tips. How to create art with a purpose, how our actions are loaded with intention and purpose.
I take these simple lessons with me through life in everything that I do, yoga, tantra, service, submission,sex, masochism, rope play, writing, teaching, and performance.
I've taken it upon myself as a mission to embrace my queer feminist self and my submissive rope slut self and to share that with the world and the way that these two worlds coincide.
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