The Adventures of Dr. HemoGoblin
Another Saturday Night
Okay, so it’s another Saturday night and I’m back in Vampire Chat City. The first chat phrase that blisters my eyeballs is “nazi dish towel” (in small caps). Huh? Aside from the dish towel, physical fitness is again the topic du jour. The chat participants are indulging in mean spirited comments about the National Association for Fat Acceptance. And then the chat gets a little frisky: “I have very athletic sex.” “I feel predatory actually.” But conversation returns again to fat people. I leave, disheartened, not even banging the saloon doors on my way out.
All over the world, other people at loose ends like me are playing vampire games in IMVU and Second Life. They’re logging into GothScene.com or Sanguinarius.org. At one point, I joined the Vampire Rave and became an instant “whelp.” Hey, status! (Snerk!) But the site is very comprehensive and it’s clear I’ll have to spend some time in it to get through it all.
Still very much in the dark, I happened to stumble into a glistening gem of a chat on yet another website (URL deliberately withheld). This time I entered as “Dr. HemoGoblin." I disclosed my status as a curiosity seeker and columnist, and proceeded to have a lovely, lively time bantering with a group who seemed quite willing to answer my questions. One participant concluded that I was okay, and he’d even be willing to buy me a pint. “A pint of what?” I asked with trepidation. “Guinness, of course!” Whew...
Role Play and Ritual
These are essential elements of eros, along with erotic trance and partner engagement. I do not think ritual and role play can be undervalued. While Human Living Vampires take their cravings, practices, and community seriously, they cannot avoid encountering a constant stream of newbies who are fascinated by vampires and who crave new sexual thrills and possibly even a new sexual self-identity.
As with any other kink, vampire play can provide an occasional thrill or an excuse to run up a lifetime’s worth of credit card charges. Some people really do feel the need for props, clothing, and various accoutrements to make it all “real” for them. If you are among this group, own it without shame. Here are a few items to enhance your shiny new vampire lifestyle:
“Barbie-sized” miniature coffins. www.vampcoffins.com/
Human-sized, “black gothic toe pincher” or “heel squeezer” coffins. www.vintagecoffins.com/
A batwing-shaped purse, $24.95 from Spider’s Web. www.spookyboutique.com
An entire custom made “coffin kitchen” complete with a casket-shaped breakfast bar topped by melamine. www.coffinitup.com/
Custom-made vampire fangs by Scarecrow and Dental Distortions, the latter cast from “actual dental acrylic.” They’re guaranteed to not interrupt your speech. Why lisp when you can lunge? www.vampfangs.com
You can stock your custom coffin kitchen cabinets with chocolate caskets, blood candy test tubes, Tru Blood Synthetic Blood Nourishment Beverage and Vampire Hot Sauce, all available through www.vampirerave.com.
I can’t even get into the hair, makeup and clothing—there’s just too much of it—except I do want to mention that everything you want to learn about vampire makeup can be found on YouTube videos.
Finally, I asked my chat room friends for their most important piece of advice to those wanting to know more: “Brush your teeth twice a day and don’t talk to strangers.”
Er, shouldn’t that be “brush your fangs”?