Enema Maker Comes Clean About Sodomy

This just in (literally)... from our friends at The Sword: C.B. Fleet, Inc., the home enema people, have finally discovered anal sex. This month, the company will launch a new product—Fleet Natural—designed specifically for what they call “elective rectal cleansing.” We at CarnalNation read that clever euphemism as tacit acknowledgement and approval of America's deep-seated fascination with sodomy.

“We’ve always known that some of our consumers were using Fleet enemas for reasons other than to relieve constipation, so we wanted to develop a product that would meet the needs of those users and provide them with a safe way to cleanse and frequently if desired,” said senior brand manager Emily Klopp.

From www.portfolio.com via clp.ly

The gay community has long viewed the Fleet Enema as a cheap and disposable alternative to more complicated shower kits (NSFW) for penetration preparation. Indeed, while drug stores in most communities discreetly stock Fleet products on lower shelves, we have seen prominent (and popular) Fleet displays in such places as West Hollywood, CA. Of course, until now, one had to replace the clear liquid laxative normally contained in those pre-lubed squeeze bottles with (preferably cool) water lest one end up with some unexpected (and unwanted) intrusions into your booty call. The new Fleet Natural—packaged in a light brown box—contains only purified water and aloe, and the petroleum-based lube on the insertable tip has been replaced with a water-based lube because of the "close proximity to sexual intercourse with latex condoms."

So while the company apparently "always knew" that consumers engaged in "elective rectal cleansing," they did need to hire a market research firm to confirm those suspicions. Harris Interactive found that 3.7 percent of the general population engaged in this practice, whereas 21 percent of gay and bisexual men polled admitted to catching a squirt before playing catcher. Their research did reveal, however, that the general population and the gay/bi population "Fleet" for different reasons: gen pop for “health and well-being” and those telling the truth for "anal intimacy." Since those polled were allowed to give more than one answer, 38 percent of gen pop did admit that "health and well-being" included "anal intimacy."

Fleet is planning to incorporate both types of usage into its marketing strategy to capture even more of the $30-million-per-year enema market. CVS and Target will begin selling Fleet Natural this month while Walgreens and Rite Aid are in the can for May and June, respectively. Thus far, Wal-Mart is the only major retailer to object to “elective rectal cleansing.” That's a shame and, in our opinion, a bad business move. Since cleanliness is next to Godliness, we expect Fleet Natural to make a big splash in places like Utah.

What's next? As the editor of The Sword opines:

I personally will not be satisfied until Immodium follows suit by changing its slogan from "multi-symptom relief" to "just 8 hours until the sling fisting party."

From www.thesword.com via clp.ly