CarnalNation

 I Dare You: 30 Sealed Seductions
By Susie Bright
Chronicle Books
$14.95

“For a relationship to stay alive, love alone is not enough. Without imagination, love stales into sentiment, duty, and boredom. Relationships fail not because we have stopped loving but because we first stopped imagining."
                          —James Hillman

Some adults have forgotten how to play. Many have become uncomfortable with the concept and spend more time worrying about how they might look or sound versus how they feel. Play, like a child’s favorite transitional object, is banished to the confines of adolescence in our society and many adults who still regularly crave spontaneous forms of pleasure are perceived as selfish or immature. Luckily Susie Bright, the queen of smart smut, has created a sexuality-based game that challenges this ridiculous notion and encourages adults to play sensually, creatively and maintain an open and non-judgmental attitude towards the sometimes-awkward process of communicating about sexual desires and needs.

Bright's two previous releases through Chronicle Books, X: The Erotic Treasury and Bitten , were notable not only for their content, but because Chronicle put real thought into the books' design and made the exteriors as sensual and elegant as what was inside. I Dare You: 30 Sealed Seductions is the same. The game comes in a small red and black box, tied shut with a black ribbon, and contains thirty sealed envelopes, each containing a card labeled either "Tell Me…" or "I Dare You…" The mechanics are familiar to everyone, of course; it's a variation of the old truth or dare games that we played as kids. I Dare You adds Susie Bright to the old game as a referee, and that makes all the difference. There have been other commercial games based on the "sexy truth or dare" idea, but few that are so smart. You may find yourself challenged to relate a fantasy that would be unthinkable to actually perform in real life, or to order takeout while your partner goes down on you. ("Don't forget the steamed rice!") Astute readers of Bright will find at least one scenario that they may recognize from her erotica collections.

I Dare You successfully transcends gender, relationships and lifestyle choices. This game is not based on “vanilla” or “kinky” sexual preferences and behaviors. It does not require any additional props or toys, and its intention is not to promote a “change” of any person’s sexuality. In other words, this is not a game with an ulterior motive of “loosening up” the sexually repressed or inexperienced. Instead (and more importantly) it is a game that playfully advocates individuals to get to know their own sexuality on a deeper level and to share these thoughts and desires with another person. To put it simply, Bright’s game supports the goal of fostering creative connection amongst partners in romantic relationships. Each individually wrapped truth or dare card presents a challenge to the reader that ranges from the sensual to the silly. The cards require an authentic willingness from individuals to possibly step outside their comfort zone and trust one another with secret fantasies. In order to do this, though, you also have to know just how far outside that zone you're willing to go. I Dare You works best if partners establish their own house rules. When testing the game with my partner, I found that we had to agree to let each other call "pass" on at least one card per session.

Communicating about sexuality-based topics may not always be easy but it is important. At a recent workshop by Eve Minax called Take Control: Gaining Erotic Confidence and Developing Trust I was reminded that the process of sharing such intimate details is tough for everyone, regardless of their experience or lifestyle. One thing Minax said stuck with me: “The fact is no one is comfortable talking about their fantasies, but some of us are a little more practiced and/or have less concern about public opinion.” That you need to practice speaking about sexuality seems to be the key message I hear again and again from sexuality writers, educators, and clinicians alike.

This is easy in theory, but can be more complicated in its execution. Clearly Bright is well aware of this, since she's spent her entire career educating, as well as entertaining, others regarding the topic of sexuality. Her work covers the theoretical, political and personal aspect of sexuality. She is authentic and engaged with her own sexuality and inspires other by simple being the person and role model that she is. This is exactly the point of I Dare You – it is a game that can help each of us become closer with our own sexuality while never forgetting to have fun with the process of its journey. The reality is that this is a game that is most likely not going to be completed all at once. The fact that each card is sealed tightly in an envelope helps encourage not reading the questions ahead of time. This surprise and spontaneity helps with each presented challenge, and aids in truly giving you and your partner a unique gift. It's just like what the VISA ads say: honesty and openness with sexuality is priceless.

To win your own copy of Susie Bright's I Dare You: 30 Sealed Seductions, enter CarnalNation's Twitter contest between now and April 1, 2010. Just tweet the words "Win 'I Dare You: 30 Sealed Seductions' by Susie Bright from @CarnalNation RT to enter http://carnalnation.com/idareyou" See here for rules and details.