CarnalNation

Easter is the holiest of the Catholic holidays, but as a child, I was more intrigued by the aesthetics of the day than observing its religious significance.  Despite my strong Catholic roots, I’ve never connected spiritually with religion, so it’s no surprise I enjoyed the annual colors, treats, and party dresses more than anything else. Unfortunately, my fascination with choosing Laura Ashley knock-off fabrics for my stepmom to transform into fairy princess dresses lasted years longer than it should have. She could make anything as far as I was concerned, and I never hesitated to push her patience by suggesting impractical and flamboyant materials as my taste developed. Crinoline, sequins, and faux fur are on any proper divas’ “must have” list, but it was quickly made clear to me that this was just the start of many of my opinions being incongruent with those of mainstream culture. My personal styling could push buttons and set off the alarm bells of decency and good taste a bit too often.

Like many things about childhood, Easter just wasn’t the same once I got too big to be appropriately appreciated for my party dress, or my white shoes with satin ribbons that wrapped around my ankles and tied in a neat bow on my calf, and made that wonderful click-clack noise that only grown-up shoes make. As I got older and matured into an independent young woman, I simply assumed my inner diva was packed away with my other childhood memories, but lo and behold, she was miraculously resurrected high atop a grassy knoll in Dolores Park amongst other Queens of Glamour on Easter. I was home. This was a family I wanted to be a part of. There was no church, but there was an ecstatic and indulgent celebration of life. San Francisco is known for this unique way of incorporating activism, playfulness, and education into alluring bouts of creative silliness. Basically, we make our own rules and traditions in this city, and most of us are quite happy with it.

There is truly no better example of this type of divine spirit than The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, who first graced the city donning their habits on Easter 1979. The Sisters’ outrageous costumes and humor can appear shocking at first to the unenlightened, but their objective is not to mock the Catholic Church. Their goal is to reach out to individuals who don’t find solace or acceptance amongst most religious communities due to their gender identity, sexual orientation or lifestyle. The Sisters’ website touts commitment to “community service, ministry and outreach to those on the edges, and to promoting human rights, respect for diversity and spiritual enlightenment. We believe all people have a right to express their unique joy and beauty and we use humor and irreverent wit to expose the forces of bigotry, complacency and guilt that chain the human spirit.” Oh yeah, and they do an awesome job of raising funds while having fun!

It can be near impossible for the mere mortal to compare in fabulousness to the Sisters’ presence of fun and joy on Easter, but serendipitously, a group of artisans over in the East Bay have found a way to leave an indelible footprint on human kind’s ecstatic experiences by introducing the XI Commandment: Thou Shalt Have Outrageous Orgasms! What, you thought there were only ten commandments? Well, Divine Interventions reminds us we can “help Moses part the pink seal! This old boy can make a rock wet, a bush burn, and get the Pharaoh’s entire army in hot pursuit! If you have been wandering in the wilderness too long, Moses is the man to lead you to the Promised Land, and the Virgin Mary, like most smart women, knows there is a second coming. And a third. And a fourth. (Where’s my counting beads?)”

Yes, you heard it right. You can bring the Easter sprit to your daily personal practice all year long with these gorgeous aids of ecstatic pleasure. In fact, I’m pretty sure that some of the Hunky Jesus contestants would have fared better in their competition if they only had a Jackhammer Jesus slung over their shoulder. (Did she just say a Hunky Jesus contest!?!)