At SexIs Magazine, Bigotry is Sold as Humor
One of the more unpleasant realities of working at CarnalNation is that while we're allowed—sometimes required—to spend the day looking at sites and videos that would get us fired in almost any other workplace, we're also forced to become intimately aware of just how sick our culture's attitudes toward sexuality are. Yes, our screens are often filled with beautiful tits and cocks, but just as often they're filled with reports of the very worst in human nature as expressed through puritanism, sexual fear, ignorance, and outright hatred. It's bad enough to have to read about a right wing politician like New Hampshire State Representative Nancy Elliott, who earlier this month showed off her disgust at gays with an explicit and misinformed description of anal sex: "We're talking about taking the penis of one man and putting it in the rectum of another man and wriggling it around in excrement," she said. "And you have to think, I'm not sure, would I allow that to be done to me?"
Even worse, though, is when ignorance shows up cloaked as sex-positivity. Case in point: the most recent piece posted on SexIs Magazine by The Bloggess, titled "Is This a Joke? No. No It's Not." The joke, at least to The Bloggess, is latex fetishes, especially inflatables.
Having discovered the existence of latex inflatables and vacuum beds via a site called KinkyKing Latex, Bloggess is just overwhelmed by how weird these people must be to like this stuff:
There are a lot of perfectly normal people out there who like latex and bondage. I’m not judging those people.
Okay, I’m judging them a little.
But only because I just found a site that is so completely baffling that I assumed it must be a joke. But it’s not. Not. a joke. at all. Which kind of makes it even more hysterical. And horrible.
The tone of the entire piece sounds like a grade-schooler sniggering because she just found out that babies come when Daddy put his thing in Mommy, and that's like, so icky. Of one inflatable mask, she says, "I guess it’s for people who enjoy having sex with donuts? I’m not sure. That’s pretty much the stuff of nightmares there. But the good news is that it can’t get any weirder than that, right?"
Sex positivity is a much overused term, and so it's often misunderstood. But if it is to have any meaning at all, it's not enough to just be able to say "I like fucking," or "I like porn." Just as important is to be able to be respectful about the sexualities of others, and to appreciate how many different ways people find pleasure in their bodies. It's one thing if you're not into anal penetration with a member of the same sex; it's another to mock and demean those who are as subhumans. I'm not into latex inflatables, but the difference between Bloggess and myself is that I find those outfits kind of amazing in their creativity and ingenuity. That's the point that I keep coming back to when I learn about a fetish or sexual practice that's new to me: the imagination that people put into different forms of arousal is mind boggling. Not only is the variety of sexual imagination one of the things that keeps me coming back to work every day, it's one of the things that's kept me reading and writing about sex for the last fifteen to twenty years.
I can already tell what Bloggess and her fans will say to the above: "You just have no sense of humor." In fact, it's already been said to me. When I Tweeted her link earlier today, a woman with the handle AlwaysLaurel replied:
@LiteratePervert If we can't laugh at ourselves and the odd things that make us hot, what can we laugh at?
This misses the point spectacularly. It's not the humor that I object to in Bloggess's post: it's the easy, thoughtless dismissal that's behind the joke. It's her stigmatizing of a sexual fetish as "bizarre" and "horrible," that makes her post grossly irresponsible. From the very first line, she draws a sharp, clear line on the ground and declares that what lies beyond is weird and sick. Every word rings with the sentiment behind Nancy Elliott's diatribe in the New Hampshire legislature, but it's far worse. SexIs Magazine—and its parent, Eden Fantasys—supposedly exists for the purpose of encouraging people to safely explore sexuality beyond the artificial lines that were drawn in our minds by parents, teachers, priests, and media. For Bloggess, it seems to exist as nothing more than a place to point and laugh at the freaks. That's an old game, and pretending that it's sex-positive is insulting to us all.
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Comments
I like it how this post is
I like it how this post is 'liked' by the very staff of this magazine. Personally, I think this article is a low bitch attack on an article that is about humor and the ridiculous. Why is it taboo to laugh at the ridiculous aspects of sex or the parts that some would find ridiculous? What? Is everyone supposed to follow, like blind sheep, sexual dogma?
The tone of this post is as severe as the tone my Catholic school headmaster used during every assembly. Get over yourselves. Seriously, there are various perspectives around the world, you, as an online publication, aren't the singular authority OR POLICEMAN, to judge what is 'sexually' acceptable as humor.
Your kneejerk reaction to the SexIs blog post by The Blogess is obviously borne from your own jealousy. Their magazine is more popular than yours because they don't pretend to be authorities on everything, as Carnal Nation does.
Wow, even sex bloggers have militant fanboys
I'm not sure what I love more here, the fact you only bothered to read the article long enough to decide you were offended, or the fact you're a snotty hypocrite. Hall clearly states that his problem is with Blogess' condescending and denigratory tone, not "teh lulz", and after reading Blogess article, I'd say he's right. Even if I didn't, I wouldn't try to disprove it by throwing around a bunch of cheap insults like the Mean Girl in some cheesy after-school special. Speaking of tone, I'd rather listen to your "Catholic school headmaster" for a solid week than yet another pompous internet tough guy with no actual point; maybe if you'd listened to her back in the day, you wouldn't be such a brittle, spiteful ass.
ugh! If you really want to
ugh! If you really want to get behind something as vapid as that 'humor' article go right ahead. You really went to the trouble of outing yourself on the internet to show solidarity with an immature internet piece? Really? You even resorted to the 'jealousy' argument too. Seriously grow up. Please don't ruin the intelligent discussion generally found on this site. I am really starting to hate the lowest common denominator that anonymous internet access resorts us to.
The post isn't seeking to be
The post isn't seeking to be an internet watchdog, policing the way people can say what they want. What the post is pointing out is that SexIs blog claims to be one thing (sex-positive) while espousing something different (mockery). It isn't taboo to laugh alongside people about human idiosyncrasies, for we all have them, but it is cruel to laugh at them while claiming to be on their side.
babying
I appreciate the sentiment of open-mindedness that accompanies this article. However,
I don't think that the author realizes that she herself is in fact BEING censorious.
I will use the example of race here for illustration. Dave Chappelle, who many people
appreciate regardless of race, made plenty of references to stereotypes about race, to
generalizations, etc. In doing so, he enabled people to talk about race. About their
differences..and through that dialogue and elimination of censorship, his viewers were
able to come to greater self-understanding and acknowledgment.
I think what you're trying to say is that the bloggess' attitude is juvenile and closed-minded.
To that I say, welcome to the real world. When you do something that falls outside
the general norm, people are going to have opinions and they won't all be coated in honey.
Not everyone is a 20+ year sexologist or whatever you mentioned, so realize that honestly,
you are in the far sexual left and not everyone is going to be as "enlightened" as you claim
to be. If you were really that enlightened, you might try taking a gander at extreme (and
yes, by today's standard they ARE still extreme) fetishes from the viewpoint of someone
more conservative than yourself. And then at least you could have a dialogue, maybe even
a chuckle, instead of yelling down everybody's throats.
Huh.
I'm sorry if you felt in any way upset by my article. This is the reason why I tell people that they should really never read anything that I write. I'm the same girl who accused the Pope of cannibalism, threatened William Shatner on MSNBC, brought an inflatable sheep on an aircraft carrier to entertain the troops and suggested we turn dead kittens inside out so the homeless would have fur-lined shoes. I also proposed cutting off hobos fingers so I could use my iphone better and only refrained from pushing a baby off a stage because it would have looked bad since I was still wearing my crown from being inaugurated as a Czar, even though my boss wasn't there because she's a cat. Obviously I don't take myself seriously and I don't think anyone else does either unless maybe it's their first time finding me and then they usually run away very quickly and I don't blame them at all. This is the first time I've ever had anyone offended on the sex side though since most of the time people who get turned on dressing up as giant blueberries are strong enough in their confidence that they are the very first people to laugh at the post and to pass it on to their like-minded friends. In fact, I got a lots of emails from latex fetishists who were passing it on to their friends both for laughs and also because they were happy to find a new distributer.
The only thing that I really *do* take seriously is the right of people to say what they believe and I totally salute you for that and I did think this post was thought-provoking. Please know that if you're the person who custom ordered the latex full body burka I have nothing but the utmost respect for you and I hope that you get nothing but the most amazing enjoyment out of it and also I gotta give you a high-five because I've worn latex before and it's like a yeast infection just waiting to happen but with the latex burka your junk can still breathe. It's kind of brilliant actually.
Also, I'd like to apologize for this comment too. Honestly, I can't even comment without making a mockery of myself. I don't know what's wrong with me either.
"We celebrate the fact that
"We celebrate the fact that sexuality can be expressed in many ways." - From the Edenfantasys Mission Statement
This article doesn't celebrate anything about it's subject matter other than the snigger factor. It's true that it is healthy (and necessary) to be able to laugh at ourselves and that which strikes us as absurd, and that comedy often enables us to partake in dialogue about social issues, but sometimes it's just belittling.
forgot to mention
I should point out that my writing has no reflection on the beliefs of Edenfantasys and SexIs Magazine. In fact, I've written things there that make fun of all them and of me and even when I write things that make them personally uncomfortable they still allow me to post what I want without editorial censorship. It might not be a great idea business-wise for a sex company to allow a dangerous and unpredictable satire writer to write whatever she wants on their site but I applaud their courage to let someone like me write nonsensical blatherings, whether they agree with it or not. It's a celebration of open and uncensored dialogue and that's something that I think anyone in the sex industry has to admire. I once wrote a humor piece for the Houston Chronicle that was adamantly pro-gay rights and I got death threats from fundamental Christians but I also got so many emails from people in the Bible-belt who were struggling to come out of the closet and who felt less alone after laughing at how ridiculous homophobia can be. The Houston Chronicle didn't quash the story and even put it on the front page of their home page for an hour, but they were very quick to put a "The opinions of this author do not reflect the opinions of the Houston Chronicle or it's owners". It's a smart idea, really. I'm responsible for my own insanity and if you're going to roast someone over what I write it should really be me, not the people who allow me to have a voice even when they disagree with it.
Ugh
Ugh. I meant "its owners". It's too early to use apostrophes correctly.
Ignore them Jenny
Carnal Nation is also the site that claims to be pro-sex worker & yet went out of their way to give publicity to a person who is trying to out sexworkers to their family, friends, landlords, and "straight" business colleagues.
So Hey Carnal Nation: Pot, meet Kettle.
The Bloggess has a very particular, very specific outlook on the world & we (pervs, prudes, what-have you) love her for it. Coming into the middle of The Bloggess's world & then taking it seriously is generally not recommended. Especially if you're holier-than-thou, hypocritical, and have a stick up your ass.
Don't even worry, Jenny
This is just another person who takes everything mega-seriously and who has obviously never seen thebloggess.com. As such, she has no business commenting on your stuff.
Wow
You think The Bloggess is insulting? Ha - you should have visited the Toy With Me blog instead. At least then you wouldn't be publicly attacking a major competitor ;) Which, for the record, makes you look bad. I don't care if your opinion is the more "right" one and I don't care if I go there right now and read her article and come away feeling all repressed and offended. This post took the low road. I really expected better of you guys.
No, *you* missed the point.
A little while ago the Bloggess wrote an article about being confused by the new diet dr. pepper slogan "nothing diet about it". It was a satire. Not one word of it was serious. Which is painfully obvious when you hold it up next to her other stuff. Then AOL put up an article a few days later about how this slogan was horribly confusing bloggers and citing her saying how could she be so stupid and blond and this whole cascade of hate mail flooded her mail box from people taking her seriously. She even had to repost the post with a disclaimer.
You just did the same thing. You took her post completely out of context of her other work and condemned her for it. For the record, the company whose site she was looking at loved the post and offered to let her test out and review some product (namely the inflatable blue body suit). In addition, none of her work anywhere is serious at all and anything she says that implies that she finds something "icky" means she feels exactly the opposite.
A good writer/journalist/whatever would look at someone's work in context. Nevermind your sense of humor. You're just a tad unprofessional.
words at war when making love is peace with words
fellatio, cunnilingus, coitus, kissing, massage, scent and taste of clean sexy people..... none of that is funny, sure people can make jokes, especially about the way religion and ignorance can ruin a perfectly fine orgasm .... frankly just why are people arguing here? Please don't answer any of you readers , just reply with some happy squeezings, throbbings, love bites and warm radiant happy completion, some frollicking joined dancing in bed, a swimming pool or private elevator, picnic table in a seclude park... where ever, what ever, ridicule the problem like pedophile priests and evil coverup Vatican Nazi Pimp Pope denying condoms to a billion people through his United Nations veto of WHO supplies, every child a wanted child and abortion paid for with tax money if birth control methods fail 843-926-1750 Dial An Atheist Larry Carter Center