CARNAL NATION

Four states down; 46 more to go. Which will be the next state to succumb to the forces of logic, fairness, equality, and... gasp... homosexuality by granting gays and lesbians (and anybody else who wants to) the right to marry? The Daily Kos has examined the factors that influence same-sex marriage intiatives and used three of the most influential to predict when each of the states will, inevitably, swing 'that way.' According to their results, everybody will be doing it by 2024.

The Daily Kos predictions show that the rest of New England (NH, ME, & RI) plus Nevada, Washington, Alaska, New York, and Oregon will join the four states that have already legalized gay marriage this year. That's 2009, people! Each year thereafter has a steady stream of states going down that same road—or is it just finally getting a clue? California in 2010. Wyoming in 2011. In Utah, 2013 will see polygamy become gender neutral. Hey Dorothy, Kansas goes over the rainbow in 2015; tell all your friends. In Texas, 2018 promises to be a Bush bumper of a year when lesbians start two-stepping down the aisle with yellow roses in hand. North Carolina will commemorate the 10th anniversary of the death of Sen. Jesse Helms in the most fitting way: with some good-ole-fashioned sodomite nuptials in 2018. Y'all come back real soon now, y'hear? The winds of change will come sweepin' down the plain in Oklahoma in 2021 with an all-male production of "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers."

So who's bringing up the rear, so to speak? Yup, you guessed it. In 2023, we have Alabama thanking God, the people, and Mississippi (yet again) that it's not dead last. So, in 2024, we can all pay tribute to the late, great Miss Nina Simone with a rousing rendition of "Mississippi Goddamn!" What took you so long?