CARNAL NATION

"Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac," Kissinger once famously proclaimed, and he should know. When someone as hot as a hobbit lands babes like Shirley MacLaine and Candice Bergen it certainly can't be the hairy feet. Of course, in a capitalist society the one sure way to power is through money, which means greedy richies with bad combovers like Donald Trump also can snag bombshells as easily as "Henry the Kiss." So as the countdown to April 15th begins let's look back at how we really arrived at our current economic crisis—the inevitable result of the pursuit of dirty sexy money, of too many aspiring Gordon Gekkos speculating on Wall Street's lusty wild west.

Oliver Stone's 1987 Wall Street, which stars Michael Douglas as the sublimely slimy financier Gordon Gekko and Charlie Sheen as his wannabe Bud Fox, is less prescient than it is a universal morality tale for the ages, a Sodom and Gomorrah warning, which is why it holds up as a spectacular piece of filmmaking over two decades on. For my "money," Stone is the closest screenwriting thing modern-day Hollywood's got to William Goldman, able to craft timeless, seemingly effortless dialogue as quiet and nuanced as his directing is loud and over-the-top. Stone's ear has always been stronger than his eye. And Wall Street is tasty aural candy, the script (co-written with Stanley Weiser) full of teasing sexual innuendo with hot stock trading substituting for hardcore screwing. (No wonder the sole—unnecessary—sex scene is brief and shot in silhouette!)

From the start Charlie Sheen's Bud Fox is in pursuit of the notorious Gekko like a lover who won't take no for an answer, flirtatiously wooing the sharp-dressed man's secretary Natalie only to get to his main attraction, calling the office 59 days in a row until, with the help of Cuban cigars as a birthday present, he finally gets his five minute "speed date." Fox is one aggressive top—yet he has no clue as to his heart's desire's true nature. In contrast, by the end of the five-minute tryst Gekko sees all—the opportunity to both use and dominate this young upstart. Gekko's delight in this new toy that's dropped into his lap radiates via high-powered body language, his inability to sit still, like he can't wait to begin this fun and challenging—not to mention the ultimate power orgasm—game of topping a top.

"Better than sex," is how Gekko describes his first real estate deal to Fox while they ride in the backseat of his luxurious limo. A man never forgets his first hustle. It was Larry Wildman, impeccably embodied by Terence Stamp, who took Gekko's virgin innocence, who screwed him in the end. This is still a sore spot that Gekko will never forgive—especially now that the British Larry has been made a "Sir" by Her Majesty, crowned the ultimate top, the greatest affront. Payback is how Gekko will test out his cocky plaything. But first he's got to whip the naive slave into shape, build him up to take him down.

After a ruthless handball game (a game within an S&M game) that Gekko must push Fox to finish the two adjourn to the steam room. "Get dressed, I'll show you my charts," Gekko offers like a come-on line. When Fox finally takes the bait (after having been warmed up by Gekko only to be coldly kicked out of the limo when he balks at lawbreaking), agrees to spy on Wildman with an "All right, Mr. Gekko, you got me," Gekko's devilish smile is that of the juvenile delinquent who's seduced the goody-two-shoes prom queen.

For Douglas plays Gekko as a man metaphorically walking around with his dick hanging out of his pants, his sex-infused jargon part of his nature. "Congratulations, Buddy, you scored!" he tells Fox once he gets the goods on Wildman. He rhapsodizes about Sun Tzu's The Art of War like it's the Kama Sutra, waxes poetic about the breathtaking sunrise as he walks along the beach—while on the phone with Fox! "I wish you could see this," he tells the clueless novice in a downright romantic moment. "I'm gonna make you rich," he adds as a sweet nothing. Gekko gets off on corrupting young virgins like Fox, acquiring slaves to do his bidding.