CARNAL NATION

When I stopped working for youth-focused sex education, I thought the political bullshit would be left far behind me. I thought that by working with adults, I would finally be able to speak openly about sexual behavior, anatomy, health and pleasure. I thought—naïvely it appears—that my troubles would disappear when I got beyond the land of parental consent and permission slips. Boy, was I wrong.

Since entering the world of adult sex education, I have been denied jobs, had family members stop talking to me because of "my work," been slandered, and most notably, had my non-profit sexuality education center shut down. This sexuality center, also known as The Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health, was set to open in Pawtucket, RI on September 26^th. I had planned a grand event to kick the doors open; speakers were coming in from around the country, thousands of dollars of toys had been donated and I was ready to show people that you could talk OPENLY, without embarrassment, about sexual pleasure, health and advocacy issues. But behind the scenes, sexually conservative individuals had plotted a way to prevent The CSPH from opening. A perfectly pitched email was sent by a nationally-known fellow Rhode Island resident, alerting city hall, the police department and city counselors, that a “sex center” was opening downtown. The city officials went into a panic and created a reason not to allow the CSPH's grand opening to take place. The reason? Education was not a permitted use for the building. Yes, you read right. If you entered The Grant Building in “Downtucket,” learning was not a permitted use.

I was outraged, and with support, I decided to fight the town and defend the right for people to learn about sexuality. Many days were spent in city hall, attending zoning board meetings, introducing the business model to my neighbors who, I had heard, might not be in favor of adult sex education (turns out, that was just a silly little rumor which had no basis in fact). I became driven to make this non-profit center open.

I’m so happy to inform you that sex education and sexual freedom won. We Won! On Groundhog Eve, The Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health was officially granted permission to provide adults with (sex) education! Yes folks, in Pawtucket, RI, you can now legally learn about sexual issues without having to go to strip clubs, Porn-o-ramas, or revisit your 8^th-grade class about puberty.

I sound sarcastic don't I? Well, after five months of political wrangling, I have damn good reason to be. When town officials attempt to stop you from opening a business, more than a few emotions go through you: fear, confusion, anger, but most of all, determination. My mother always told me I was a headstrong girl and recently revealed to me that the surest way to get me to follow through on something was to tell me "no." In the last few months, I had more than one warning about messing with "the big boys" of politics. I won't lie: I was scared. I know people were trying to spare me hassle, money, and aggravation… but as my best friend said to me at the start of this ordeal, I had been educating OTHER organizations about sexual justice for more than ten years of my life. Was I really going to give up on the issue when it affected me? So I allowed my stubbornness to override the doubt and anxiety. I learned to smile pretty and play the political games.

At best, this was one crash course in learning. In over a decade of work in the field, my colleagues and I have mastered how to teach "the hot topics," but never what to do when you were the hot topic. No college course or AASECT seminar had prepared me for how to handle "being" the controversy.

Somehow, I got through it. I've received a fair share of congratulatory tweets, emails, and celebratory messages. Typically, "Thanks for fighting the good fight," but often, congratulations for being so eloquent in the midst of the fiasco. Quite a number of you have commented on how cool, collected, and on-point I came off during media interviews. Practice does make perfect, but I do have a special ace up my sleeve: Speak Up.

"Speak Up" is a media training course created by two fearless women, Eliyanna Kaiser and Audacia Ray. I ran across the application last year and thought to myself, "I have to go to this." Thank god I followed my gut, filled out the application, and begged some friends to proofread it. I wanted to learn how to craft an uncomfortable message and yet get it aired in the media. I wanted to be able to pivot to home as effortlessly as Press Secretary CJ on the West Wing. I wanted to represent the sex-positive feelings that many of us have, and make it presentable before the biased glow of the media's camera lens.

Sometimes I think being selected for the first Speak Up workshop was serendipitous. But fate or luck, the invaluable training showed me how we in the sex-positive community can become a force to be reckoned with. We must continue to support one another. We are showing the United States that we do create change. Without the emotional support from sex-positive folks like Princess Kali, Charlie Glickman, ManGeek, the financial fundraisers from Self Serve and RI Crisis Assistance Center, the letters written from people like Bill Taverner, Elizabeth Wood, blog postings from Matthew Lawrence and Greater City Providence and the training that Speak Up gave me, The Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health wouldn't be open today. There are so many to whom I am grateful.

And so, as you helped create the CSPH, I want to thank you by making the following pledge: we will work to pursue our mission, that adults may have a safe space in which to seek and find medically accurate information on sexual pleasure, advocacy, and health. We want to be the non-profit equivalent of your cool aunt or fabulous uncle, the one who taught you it was safe to masturbate. Thank you for the support, I'm honored to be welcomed into the family!