CarnalNation

So I take it you two are monogamous and that you have each signed up to have an exclusive sexual relationship with each other, which means you have agreed to work to meet the sexual needs of your partner. If you're both satisfied, then, hey, no matter how much sex you're having, that's not a problem! The problem comes around when either the amount (or the quality) of sex you're having changes, or the feelings that one of you has about your sex life changes (that someone wants more than they are getting, for example).

You say: “I don’t think my partner is [that interested.]” But do you really know? You must make sure. Sounds like you’re overdue for a conversation.

Consider:

Are you both satisfied with your sex life? What do you wish would change? What do you love about it? Do you have sex often enough? Is it experimental enough? Are your fantasies and desires being fulfilled? 

If you really need to get into it, then think about it long and hard, separately and together. Why are neither of you are interested in sex? Are you preoccupied with life? Are there other, deeper factors here? Did you previously have a very satisfying sex life, but family/pets/hobbies/Rachel Maddow obsessions/kids/careers have taken over? Are you, frankly, bored with your partner? Is your non-interest really boredom?

Maybe your answer is: “Nope, everything is really fine. I'm not bored; I'm just not that into it.” That’s perfectly okay! Take a look at some of the asexuality movement literature, perhaps, if that feels comforting. You might find some things that are relevant, especially with regard to the surrounding culture's obsession with sex and feeling “normal” if you don't fit into that model.

The tricky part here is that what feels okay now might not feel okay later, for either you or for your partner. So you keep checking in, and it is important to build a relationship in which someone can voice their feelings if things change. Talk to your partner about this. As much as you can, keep this an honest, open conversation between you. If you’re both satisfied, then there’s no issue here. Let the rest of us perverts go along with our whips and chains and role-play, and you enjoy whatever it is you love to enjoy.

If you’re still unsure about whether your relationship is suffering from Lesbian Bed Death (LBD), then take Sinclair Sexsmith's Handy Dandy Lesbian Bed Death Quiz.