CARNAL NATION

I was hesitant to try this one out at first.  Imagine putting it on your tongue! When my boyfriend and I finally took it out of the package, we found it had a stretchy silicon ring that was supposed to fit over the tongue, and a small, vibrating bullet, covered in lavender plastic, fitting snugly into a ridged, translucent silicon sheath. You snap the rubber-band-like silicon ring around your tongue.  I had to stick my tongue way out to get the ring around it.  Not very comfortable!  Then it wouldn’t stay on.  I tried to keep it on to lick the tip of my boyfriend’s cock, but it looked so goofy and felt so awkward that we both burst into giggles.  “I’m supposed to be the “cunning linguist!” my boyfriend laughed, quoting the package’s claims.  I was glad to let him have a go.  The thing wouldn’t stay on his tongue long enough to get down to pussy-level, let alone lick me. Clearly, the tongue-ring thing wasn’t working for us, but could our Ling-O have other uses?

The “ring” on the Ling-O is quite stretchy, so my boyfriend snapped it around the tender area just under his cock head.  He turned on the vibrating bullet and it made his dick go quickly from semi-hard to super-hard.  “This could be a nice masturbation tool,” he noted, stroking his cock shaft and as he looked at me, naked on the bed.  It didn’t take long for his piss-slit to start leaking just a little bit of pre-cum.  I was watching him and starting to get worked up.  He re-positioned the ring to the base of his cock and told me to get on my knees and raise my ass up.  He stood bed side, and rubbed his cock against my pussy from behind.  That gave me a nice buzz (pun intended).  Then he slid his vibrating dick in my “hot honey hole,” as they say in the pulp novels.  I had a moment of concern, thinking that my abundant pussy juice plus electricity might short it out inside of me, but the packaging did say it was waterproof.  I threw caution to the wind: his buzzcock felt really good.

After a few minutes, he tried turning the ring around to put the vibrating bullet on the underside of his cock.  He wanted to see if it would hit my clit as he fucked me, but the size of the bullet was too small to work.  “Why not try missionary?” I asked.  Unfortunately for him, it didn’t line up when he rested his knees on the bed, so he had to have a workout: straight up push-ups, legs together.  That way, while he was getting his sexercise, the vibrating bullet grazed my engorged clitty with each thrust.  It gave me lovely little orgasm spasms.  Based on our research, our new name for the Ling-O Vibrating Tongue Ring is The Lingam Ring-Am.
 

Its been one hell of a week. My good friends lost both their home and their jobs. My kids have all been sick with the flu. My night job has gotten to be a haven for drama and negativity. All open communication at home seems to have vanished into a squeezed-up, tight little vortex of stress. My brain has been cycling non-stop through every past, present, and future worst-case scenario about money, the kids, etc. Then I received an email in which my husband wrote (while I was at work) that a package had arrived. I responded, asking what it was. He replied, “I don’t know. I think its that vibrator thing you put on your finger that you see in those commercials.” He seemed completely uninterested. Whatever.

I got home late after another night of work drama and a quick stop at Walmart. I poured myself a tall, strong drink and slowly made my way upstairs. I mumbled “Hi” to my husband (who was yet again playing internet poker) as I made my way to the bathroom closet where my new package was strategically hidden behind the toilet paper. I sat on my bed, took a hearty swig of my drink, and opened the box. I pulled out a small cardboard-backed item and started reading the information written on it. I literally laughed out loud as I read the details: “The Screaming O LingO"… "Vibrating tongue ring"... "Tingling tongue action for the cunning  linguist”…”Disposable Fun!”… ”Keep ’em screaming!”…

All of my giggling distracted my husband, so I told him all about what this little toy was. I took it out of its packaging and checked it out. It is a stretchy ring with a small knobby bullet-like vibrator mounted on it. The directions say to fit the ring at the base of the tongue with bullet on top of the tongue.  I put it on and flipped the switch to turn it on. It vibrated its way right off of my tongue. Maybe it was because I was laughing so hard? I demanded that my husband shut off the computer and come over so I could make a good attempt at a blow job with my new toy. He chuckled a bit but immediately came on over to me. The ring kept sliding off, though I made a valiant effort. He stopped me because he said that it was just not happening and started laughing. I giggled as he pulled the LingO off of my tongue and put it on his. He went down on me with it next. It was ok, but better without the ring. His tongue started to hurt, and we just couldn’t stop laughing. Finally, he put the LingO on his dick, and we tried out several different positions. It worked out best with me on top (although he did say his ding-a-ling was a bit sore after!).

The LingO was fantastic: not necessarily for the strength of the vibe or even the idea of what this product is supposed to be used for. It was fantastic because it was fun. It lightened our heavy moods, distracted us from the stress, and gave us an opportunity to laugh and play without all of the seriousness that's been plaguing our lives. My recommendation? Surprise your girl or guy with this little toy! Its battery only lasts 40 or so minutes, but it’s an inexpensive, silly distraction that helps keep you connected to your lover—even in hard times.

The design of this toy was pretty damn unimpressive when I first opened the box.  However, after closer inspection, it is reminiscent of “jelly” style cock rings, which are my favorite. The design is pretty straightforward and to the point: the small silicone ring is supposed to be placed around the tongue to orally pleasure your partner.  However, when I attempted to do just that on my own with no partner, the ring kept slipping right off of my tongue.  So I’m not sure how it is supposed to work, but I’ll leave that to another reviewer.

There were some pleasant surprises with the LingO. I was very skeptical about what the toy could do for me as a gay man. The name itself implies it is for cunnilingus.  That said, I decided to get creative, and that’s where the fun began.

I started by slipping the ring around my index finger and used it to tease my nipples, my ass, my balls, and then my cock.  I decided to add a water-based lube to the mix, keeping in mind that silicone rings quickly break down and will snap or break with the use of silicone-based lubricants. 

After some foreplay, I realized that I also have a “g-spot” of sorts.  A circumcised man has a specific spot that’s the most sensitive on his cock, so I used that to my advantage.  I slipped the ring of the toy around the head of my dick and down to the “sweet spot” that gets me going ever time.  Adding plenty of lube and adjusting the positioning over and over again, I let the toy do its work.  I continued this process for 20 minutes, frequently changing the position of the toy and watching as my cock twitched. I was very pleasurably tortured by this device, which had been “cunningly” invented for the pleasure of women.  In the end I had the most incredible orgasm with this toy without even touching myself.  The vibration and placement of the toy were what sent me over the edge.  In fact, I repeated this activity again after an hour and then once more before bed.  Three times in a day, and I have to give this toy a very positive thumbs up.

This toy is straightforward and simple. It has one speed setting, so it’s either on or off.  I clearly preferred “on.”

The versatility of the LingO was pretty impressive for being so small.  I suggest extending foreplay with it.  Use it on your cock, balls, and even around your anus.  If its vibration doesn’t beg you to stick it in, you must be doing something wrong! And for men, lube yourself up and use it as a vibrating cock ring just below the head of your cock…. sliding it back and forth and adjusting positions.

The LingO was also incredibly easy to use, though as I mentioned not for its stated purpose. It is completely waterproof, which made clean up a breeze.  I’m still attempting to figure out how/where to replace the batteries.

At a retail price of $8.50, the LingO is an incredibly good buy.  Maybe not as a toy that will adhere to your tongue so you can pleasure your partner orally, although that might be accomplished for a short period of time.  Think outside of the box, and put this toy to the test. Its cost effectiveness will surprise you. 

I really enjoyed the LingO.  Now excuse me; I think I need to go test it one more time.