CarnalNation

Whether you’re giving a swing party, an orgy, a BDSM play party, a tantric ritual, or any other kind of event where more than two people are gathering to engage in consensual erotic behavior, it pays to think ahead.

Our lawyer pal Robyn Friedman notes that most sex parties get busted because of complaints from neighbors. “Let your neighbors know that you’re having a party that night, and ask them to call you—not the cops—right away if there are any problems with parking or noise. Then, make sure to tell your guests where they can park so as not to disturb neighborhood activity. Oh, and don’t forget to remind them to wear conventional clothing to get from their car to your house.”

It may also be a good idea, she adds, to contact your local precinct to let them know you’re planning a party, and to ask them to call you if they get any complaints.

The next thing you need to do is set up your party so that it looks like a party. (“Nobody throws abuse parties,” Robyn notes.) Put balloons on the front door, hang streamers. Speakers on the front porch with not-too-loud music establish a party atmosphere while helping to muffle any noises within.

If possible, don’t collect money at the party—particularly if you give parties as regular events. You can collect money ahead of time using PayPal or a similar service. If you must collect money at the door, put it into a box or can labeled “cleaning fund” or “snack fund” so that you can have a valid defense against prostitution or “running a bawdy house” charges.

Designate one person to answer the door, and make sure that person is dressed conventionally. Insist that nobody but you, or your designated door person, be allowed to answer the door. Keep the door locked when nobody is using it.

Make it clear to all your guests that illegal drugs will not be tolerated, and that anybody who gets too intoxicated to have good judgment will receive a permanent invitation to the outside world.

Make sure all your guests have a list of party rules beforehand. Alerting someone to the “street clothes only while outside” rule won’t do much good after they’ve arrived at your front door clad in a jockstrap and pasties.

If at all possible, keep the area in which sexual activities are taking place out of the line of vision from the front door—sometimes a shoji screen, or even a hanging sheet, can help. You might want to designate rooms with windows facing the street or neighboring windows as “quiet rooms,” and ask your guests to do their noisier activities in rooms where sound won’t carry as easily.

Done all this, and the cops still at your door?