Do you get the quickie?



Tenga Egg Masturbation Sleeves


They’re not just for breakfast anymore! Enjoy self-pleasure anytime with Tenga Eggs. Peel the outer layer like you would a hard-boiled egg, then crack open the shell to reveal an “ona-cup.” These egg-shaped masturbation sleeves offer several unique internal textures. Get different stokes from different yolks! Wavy has horizontal ripples and Twister has vertical ones. Silky features a thread-spun surface while Spider is lined with a web pattern. Clicker has protruding spheres; Stepper has notched out semi-circles. Stimulate the penis head or stretch the sleeve down the entire shaft. Although intended for a single session, the cup could be used a couple of times if handled and cleaned carefully. Indulge in a diet of delicious sensation with these incredible, pleasurable eggs!

2 1/2” long x 1 3/4” wide (6.4 cm long x 4.4 cm wide)

The Egg Man
Egg Beater
Over Easy

Eggs! Eggs? Incredible beddable eggs. Well, why not? They certainly excited Edith Massey in Pink Flamingos (clip at the end of this review). These things are weird, silly, and, well, all that they're cracked up to be. Let me put it another way. To answer the age-old question of which came first, the chicken or the egg: if the chicken had these eggs, he definitely came first. No contest. I almost wrote "no ifs, ands, or clucks," but I resisted.

Like I said, these little elastomer eggs are silly. There are so many jokes to be made about them, but I promise to restrain myself from here on out. No choking the chicken double-entendres or punny misspellings of words like 'excellent' and 'extraordinary' or anything whatsoever to do with laying an egg (because there are too many connotations for that to be parsed effectively here). But part of the fun is the sheer silliness.

I must admit, however, that my first thought upon receiving my 'testing' eggs was: pantyhose. I'm probably dating myself (and given how often I jerk off, we're probably going steady by now), but they remind me of L'Eggs, those little plastic eggs that my mother's pantyhose used to come in. Suddenly, I was brought back to those strange and wonderful afternoons of my early teen years. After school and before Mom got home from work, I engaged in all sorts of explorations and practices, including trying on those L'Eggs pantyhose. The perverse thrill wore quickly off when I discovered that pantyhose are not comfortable and look utterly ridiculous on hairy legs. Even so, these plastic eggs bring me back to the time when I figured a lot of things out—like masturbation, who my focus was, and all the household items that could help.

So when you crack open the plastic shell, you find a translucent, rubbery egg with a large hole on the bottom. The elastomer is completely flexible. If you turn the egg inside out, you'll find one of six patterned textures designed to enhance the overall experience. Squirt in some water-based lube (after putting it back to right side out), and you're ready to go. I recommend rubbing the egg between your thumb and fingers first to get the inside completely lubed up. Then you stretch the hole over the head of your cock. Some guys are all about the head when masturbating, but I'm a full shaft stroker. So I stretched that egg all the way to the base. Wet and squishy. Delicious. And wow, your cock looks really strange and really cool—like a failed, cloudy aspic—bulging and pulsing through the translucent elastomer and striated or spotted with the texture. Is it weird to get off on how your cock looks in one of these things? Probably but I don't care.

The simple design of the eggs allows for multiple ways to masturbate. There's, of course, straightforward stroking, but you can also take better advantage of the textures by rotating the egg around the shaft or applying pressure to selected areas and hot spots. It would be hard for me to say which of the textures I preferred because I'm not sure how much they actually contributed to my good time. I've tried four of the patterns (spheres, semi-circles, horizontal ripples, and veritical ripples). While I had a great time using all of them, I think that if I had to choose, I prefer the ripples to the discrete shapes.

Once you come, the eggs do get a little messy (but good sex—even by yourself—should be). They are easy to clean with soap and water. Drop them into some boiling water to sterilize them again for reuse. That said, these masturbation sleeves are not designed to be used indefinitely. Depending on how vigorous your me time is with your eggs, they will stretch out and get kind of deformed after a couple of uses. Just like pantyhose, I bet. But what the hell... they're so cheap you can buy them by the dozen.

Eggs—what a great concept for men! Women have had eggs (of various kinds) for years, so it's about time that we have them, too. These little ovals made masturbating fun, and I came hard each time. I also found them to be perversely hetero: my sperm was penetrating eggs. Never thought that would happen. A little bizarre perhaps but hot. Like I said at the beginning, the Tenga eggs are weird, silly, and I want all of them in my basket...

It just occurred to me that having a Tenga egg fight with somebody would be totally and abjectly fun! Egg cream, anyone? But before I launch into meringue metaphors or become an over-hard walrus or just get too weird, I'll leave you with Edith Massey and her eggs...


Jack Hoffman

Jack Hoffman

Jack Hoffman is a writer existing in San Francisco. He is a part-time curmudgeon and full-time cynic. He hopes someone will fill up his glass soon because it's already half empty. Jack Hoffman is an alter ego with an altered ego.
Disclosure: ToolBox reviewers are not compensated for their opinions beyond receiving review products. Reviewers receive products free of charge. Products for review may either be purchased by CarnalNation or provided to CarnalNation by the manufacturer, product source is not disclosed to reviewers.
December 26th, 2009
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At CarnalNation, our approach to toy reviews takes on the challenge of looking at sex from the perpective of as many kinks, perversions, genders, orientations, and preferences as we can; every week,...