CARNAL NATION

Overall: 9 of Fantasies
Challenge: 5 of Whips
Homework: Ace of Wands

When is masturbation month again?  Well for you Taureans out there, it’s March. This month is all about your pleasure and happiness.  Damn it, you deserve it!  You have been dealt some bad cards recently, leaving you feeling vulnerable and disconnected.  Did someone dump you?  Were you taken advantage of?  Lied to? Those incidents have left you apprehensive about diving into a new relationship any time soon, but you really need to let off some steam.  What makes you happy?  Maybe you should buy a new shiny vibrator or dildo and find out.  Celebrate your sexuality this month on your own.  When it really comes down to it, no one knows you better than you do.

Overall: Temperance
Challenge: Knight of Fantasies
Homework: 7 of Vibrators.

March proves to be a healing month for you Crabs. Finally, you get to come out of your shell and share yourself with others. Confidence and strength empower you, and all your past fears of not being good enough are slowly dissipating.  That strange feeling you are experiencing is called security. Now that you feel confident in yourself and your sexuality, it is time to really look at what would make your life more fulfilling.  Do you need a monogamous relationship or a triad?  Do you even need a relationship at all?  Sometimes you worry too much about what other people think is acceptable. You need to overcome those worries.  If your fantasy is to pour honey all over your partner and then share a shower together, then speak up.  The more you communicate and let go of the shame you have about your fantasies, the more you will heal and feel secure.  Trust me when I say you are not alone.  Your homework is to not give in to other people’s preconceived notions of who you are. It is up to you to decide what is important to you and defend those beliefs.
 

Overall: 9 of Whips
Challenge: Mistress of Whips
Homework: 3 of Whips

Let me paint a picture for you:  It’s dark and cold outside; crazy shadows are cast all around your room reminiscent of a scene from Donnie Darko; and you just don’t want to get out from under your blanket fearing that the crazy rabbit is out to get you. Well, dear Virgo, this sums up your month.  Something in your life has brought some serious fears to the surface.  You feel alone, abandoned, and exhausted.  The security of your familiar environment is the only thing you feel you have going for you.  Could it get any worse, you ask?  Actually, no.  That’s the good news.  What you are experiencing right now is the worst it’s going to be.  Sometimes we just have to accept that things are not meant to be and let them go.  Keep a journal of your process; use it record your fears or dreams.  The sooner you let go of your current situation, the sooner you will heal.  Sometimes our biggest fears paralyze us from action.  Acknowledge the fear, call it out, and it may actually go running back to where it came from.

Overall: Knight of Vibrators
Challenge: Lust
Homework: Page of Vibrators

The Energizer bunny could learn a thing or two from you, my dear Scorpio.  This month is going to be filled with impulsive spur-of-the-moment adventures.  From the minute you wake up in the morning, you are go, go, go.  While running off with your buddy to go have sex on the beach, you decide to stop in the park and go at it behind a Keith Haring sculpture. You can’t stop thinking about sex this month (wait, do you ever stop thinking about sex?).  You oversexed Scorpios really do seem to have tireless libidos.  If everyone had this problem, we would be a much more relaxed society.  Your homework for this month: find new uses for those sex toys you thought sucked.  I am sure you can come up with some creative uses for that vibrating crab and the pocket rocket that don’t involve building a Burning Man art car.
 

Overall: Death
Challenge: 6 of Fantasies
Homework: 4 of Vibrators

We all have bouts of remorse about things we’ve done and relationships we’ve had.  Cappies tend to take their relationships seriously, and when one doesn’t work out, they put the blame on themselves.  This month is about letting go.  Maybe that guy you obsessed about for months really wasn’t right for you.  You finally see those past relationships for what they weren’t, which makes it easier to let them fade into the woodwork.  It’s difficult not to dwell on the past, but for you to feel secure, you need to make peace with it.  Maybe send a letter to the guy who unexpectedly said goodbye to saying thanks for the lessons he taught you.  I view everyone in my life as a teacher with a lesson to teach me.  Since I am your stereotypical Capricorn, I am taking a spoonful of my own medicine here.  The good news is your homework.  Find out what makes you feel secure.  Yes, it could be a bed with shackles on each corner, but it could also be the realization that the person you are with right now is the right one for you.
 

Overall: Page of Paddles
Challenge: Page of Fantasies
Homework: 7 of Paddles

Happy Birthday, my darling little fishes!  This month is filled with new beginnings for you.  Suddenly you have this sense of urgency to have things be different.  You look at everything like it was for the first time.  Maybe it’s time to play the innocent virgin who’s taken by a stranger.  Or you get to be the genie from the bottle that will fulfill your master’s wishes.  Whatever your fantasy may be, this month gives you the opportunity to explore directions you haven’t followed before.  Single Pisceans: get out there and share your fantasies.  Write a new personal ad, or get a great new outfit and hit the nightclubs.  You will be noticed.  Your homework is to pay attention to what is working and what you have to nix. You have worked hard to see things in a new way; so don’t completely dismiss the things that didn’t work in the past.  Instead see these failures as lessons to learn from.