The earth moved. No, it wasn't an orgasm. I mean the earth moved!
Neither of us has ever been in flagrante during a quake—which, given that we both live in San Francisco, probably tells you something about how often we get laid.
So we checked with paramedic/first-aid instructor/sex educator Jay Wiseman. Jay sais that the first thing you should do is think about this a bit beforehand, especially if you live in quake country. Check the area around your bed. Are there overhead shelves that could fall down during a quake? (Move them.) How about glass mirrors overhead, you naughty thing, or on the wall nearby? (Replace them with Mylar mirrors.) Is there a large picture window next to your bed? (Hang a heavy curtain over it, and keep it closed when you're in bed—indulge your exhibitionistic fantasies elsewhere.) Any large pieces of furniture, like a bookshelf or armoire, that could tip over onto you? (Bolt it to the wall.)
Jay also suggests adding a few pieces of equipment to your bedroom: a power failure light in an outlet that will help you find your way around if the lights go out, a flashlight nearby, and a good fire extinguisher—Jay recommends a 5-lb. one, rated at least 2A-10BC—near every exit door in your home. Also, if you play with bondage, an important addition to your toybag is a pair of paramedic shears—large, heavy, blunt-nosed scissors that can be used to cut through rope, webbing, and other bondage materials quickly in an emergency.
Ok, Boy Scout, you're prepared. Now what do you do when the big one actually hits?
"Many of the injuries that happen during a quake come from people panicking and running outside in their bare feet," Jay notes. "In fact, it's pretty rare for structures to fail during a quake, so outside probably isn't where you want to be... and if you have to go out there, at least put some shoes on first."
A sensible strategy, Jay notes, is simply to do what you probably feel like doing anyway—just dive under the covers and stay there until the world holds still again, as blankets will protect you from falling glass or plaster.
If your partner is in bondage, physical protection is more important than getting them loose, at least at first. "This probably isn't the kind of emergency where seconds count," Jay says. "Throw a heavy blanket over the bound person, then climb in there after them. When things calm down a bit, then cut them loose and decide together what to do next."
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