CARNAL NATION

Did you know that today is National Pro-Life Cupcakes Day? Actually, we didn't either. But we don't feel too bad about it, because we weren't going to celebrate anyway. We like the cupcake part, but the anti-choice message... not so much, although we have to admit that it's a nice change from being assaulted by pictures of bloody fetuses. Almost.

The idea (we can't quite bear to call it a "vision," as the web page does) behind National Pro-Life is for students to bake cupcakes with anti-abortion messages like "Thou shall not murder," "I <heart> babies," "God loves kids," and "Your mom chose life" and bring them in to school today. Why cupcakes? Well, the site has an explanation for that:

Simply because everyone wants them!

Cupcakes were designed for children's birthday parties. We love Children and we love birthdays. We think this would be a good way to tell people that we think that every child should be allowed to have a birthday.

Bring in a tray of cupcakes for any group of people and you will find that they will flock to get them. As soon as they take a bite they will probably ask, "Who's birthday is it?"

Then you answer. "It's no ones birthday. These cupcakes represent the 50,000,000 children who weren't allowed to be born, who never had a birthday." The cake in their mouth will become dry and the moment will hopefully become quite somber. Then you say, "If you and I were aborted we wouldn't have a birthday party either."

Talk about a buzz-kill. Not only will these kids wind up with shame about sex, but when they grow up, they'll never be able to look at a cupcake without thinking about all the poor kids who could have had one.

Besides bringing cupcakes to school, the site also suggests that the process of baking them can be an educational process to teach girls their proper role in life:

Invite some teenage girls over to bake the cupcakes then in your kitchen. Educate them about pregnancy and abstinence. Then challenge them to make cup cakes that represent how they feel about the unborn. Then have them take the cakes to their school and hand them out.

At first we thought this might indicate that a certain cupcaked-obsessed erotica editor had an evil, sex-hating twin running around out there, but CupcakesForLife.com is registered to Joe Mumbauer, who also runs a site named, appropriately enough, LiveOffensively.com. The main purpose of that site seems to be to sell t-shirts to teens who want to brag that they're not having sex. The site also links to the confusingly-named Bound4Life, which we found to our disappointment is not devoted to shibari, but another anti-abortion site for "prayer warriors." We hope someone out there is making kinky cupcakes today to compensate for the creepy anti-choice ones that go dry in your mouth.