CARNAL NATION

In last week's column, I wrote about the much-debated Civil Partnership bill in Ireland which, if passed, could legalize same-sex marriage. That the bill was even written is testament to the huge social, political and economic changes that took place throughout the Celtic Tiger, the boom years between 1997 and 2007.

This week, though, I wanted to explore the effects that economic prosperity—and the subsequent loosening of traditional constraints—had on relationships (fleeting or otherwise) between men and women. I also wondered whether, having gone through all the money and alcohol and sex, everyone's minds and bodies were in the same place, or whether their beliefs are still playing catch-up with their actions.

To find out, I spoke with Anne Sexton, Ireland's top sex columnist, an amazing woman (and fellow redhead) who has seen and done quite a bit over the years.

"In my estimation, men consistently underrate how important sex (or good sex) is to many women," Sexton says. "Strangely enough, the converse is true: women expect men to always want sex, while studies have shown that large amounts of European men are too stressed out for sex."First, in an attempt to gauge whether or not men and women are on the same page, I asked Anne: In Ireland, do men think women are more willing to have sex than they actually are?

"In my estimation, men consistently underrate how important sex (or good sex) is to many women," she says. "I don't think this is typically Irish, though. Strangely enough, the converse is true: women expect men to always want sex, while studies have shown that large amounts of European men are too stressed out for sex."

Perhaps this is a good statistic for us ladies to remember when we are out looking for love. It is, of course, very frustrating for us when men do not read the signals that we are sending to them. However, we should always try to remember that men, too, have their own issues and insecurities and are often confused by the (glaringly obvious!) signals we give them. For example, Irish men have complained to me that while their female counterparts get all dolled up for a night out on the town, boobs hanging out for everyone to see, these women are more reluctant to actually have sex than one might think.

What does Anne think of this? Do today's hip Irish women give the impression that they are more willing to have sex than they actually are?

"I do think there is a lot of social pressure on women to be seen as sexy and sexual, so yes, I think there are definitely women who act more sexually willing than they really are in order to get noticed," says Anne. "But I think that's generally more young girls. As you get older you get a bit of cop-on. I also think the Irish drunken one-night stand culture muddies the waters a bit. Men often misread a woman's cues, in that she may well be interested but not necessarily interested in just casual sex. This can lead a lot of men to think that it was simply all a tease."

Misread cues or not, have all the one-night stands changed traditional attitudes towards gender roles? In modern Ireland, is it ok for women to initiate sex? Or are they still considered sluts if they do?

"I actually surveyed a number of Irish men on this a little while ago," says Anne. "Most of them were very uncomfortable with a woman making the first move. Despite the huge social changes in Ireland, there is still a conservative streak running through Irish society.

"In a survey a few years ago, the Crisis Pregnancy Agency found that the majority of young Irish women were reluctant, or refused, to buy or to carry condoms. Apparently, they believed that to do so would make them look 'cheap' or 'easy'. I was talking about the findings on a radio show and a number of men phoned in to say they'd be horrified of a woman carrying condoms. Madness!"

Apart from men's attitudes, though, what about women's own beliefs towards themselves and their female friends? Do women believe it's ok to have casual sex or one-night stands, or do they condemn (secretly or openly) themselves and their girlfriends?

"I think there is quite a bit of guilt around one-night stands, despite the fact that about two-thirds of us have had one," says Anne. "The reason I say this is because they almost always involve copious amounts of drinking (and frequently a flight before the other person wakes up). It's almost as if people need to get drunk to give themselves the courage to have casual sex. But I think a lot of how we feel about one-night stands depends on our social circle. We tend to judge our behaviour according to what our peers think, not what feels right to us."

Undoubtedly, the economic boom in Ireland played a huge role in changing sexual attitudes and behaviour, and relationships between men and women. However, Anne also points out some other key factors.

"The scandals that have rocked the church over the last few decades are equally important," she says. "Before the Celtic Tiger years ... the country was poor and the Catholic Church had a massive influence (even if people were not necessarily religious). But since then, people had money, opportunities, the ability to travel and to be socially mobile at a time when the Church's influence was waning.

"What surprises me is, although there is a hugely conservative streak, how accepting most of the older generation is. I've spoken to many people in their 50s and older who have said they think younger people are lucky and that our increasingly liberal attitudes to sex, single parents, etc is a good thing.

"The Irish have a reputation of being unsexy and uninterested which is definitely not borne out by the reality," Anne adds. "...It seems to me that the Irish are a sexually passionate people still dealing with a lot of the hang-ups and guilt from the past, but these are slowly eroding."