Lockjaw

Rrahhharraharrgh. [Translation: I was going down on my girlfriend and my jaw went out of joint.]

This is a pretty unusual situation, but it has been known to happen. Don't try to push the jaw closed—the jaw joint is a delicate one and you don't want to damage it. Massaging it gently might help. If it doesn't, you'll need a doctor to manipulate it back into place.

More commonly, you could experience jaw soreness or a muscle spasm that makes it hard to open your mouth the day after an enthusiastic blowjob. Rest your face—no bubble gum, sourdough bread, cunt-lapping, or blowjobs(well, you can receive them, just don't give them) until you feel better. Over-the-counter anti-inflammatory drugs like aspirin or ibuprofen might help, as might a nice massage to the affected area. If ice or heat sound like they'd feel good, try them, too.

To avoid the same problem next time, we recommend experimenting with different positions. Some options for ergonomic oral sex: a pillow under the receiver's butt, a pillow under the giver's head, both of you on your sides with the giver's head on the receiver's thigh, etc.

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Sex Disasters

by: Charles Moser and Janet Hardy

September 18th, 2009

Charles Moser, Ph.D., M.D., received his doctorate from the Institute for Advanced Study in Human Sexuality, where he is now a Professor of Sexology and Dean of Professional Studies. He went on to earn his medical degree from Hahnemann University School of Medicine in Philadelphia in 1991. He is board certified in internal medicine, and he is also a board-certified sexologist. He maintains a private internal medicine practice in San Francisco, with a focus on sexual concerns and the medical problems of sexual minorities.

Janet W. Hardy (aka Catherine A. Liszt and Lady Green) is a writer, perv, girlfag, pain slut, and educator. The author or co-author of ten books about alternative sexuality, she has spoken at hundreds of conferences and workshops around the world.