CARNAL NATION

As I sit on the train writing this review—thankfully in a three-seater with no one in the center seat, the toy I’m reviewing currently—as in right-at-this-very-moment currently—buzzes uncontrollably inside me. This particular toy, PHS International’s Remote Egg Vibe, is one I so wanted to love and would if the manufacturer could work out one rather significant bug.

Let me go back a bit.  This is the second Remote Egg Vibe I received.  The first one wouldn’t turn the egg on at all, even after I had bought a new set of batteries thinking perhaps I’d burned them out by having the remote turn itself on in my purse.  Disappointed, I contacted CarnalNation and was happily told a new one was on its way.

The egg itself can be used right up against your clit or inside your pussy.  It even has a plastic loop for easy removal.  Turning it on in the train station ladies room, it sounded moderately buzzy, so while I might have preferred it against my clit, I figured for a first public trial inside my sound-muffling pussy would be the safer way to go.  I may be daring but I'm not that daring.  When I was entering the bathroom, I had just beat out another commuter, so not wanting to take any longer than strictly needed (and with my stupidly long nails it had taken forever to unwrap and insert the batteries), I simply turned the vibe on and continued on my merry way.

Walking towards the platform, I cycled through the various patterns.  All pretty nice, right now we have a BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZ pulse pulse pulse BUZZZZZZZZZZZZ going on. Then I tried to turn it off.  And therein is the root of my current predicament.  Despite pressing the on/off button repeatedly, my vibe continues to throb in my now very wet cunt.  And my train ride is an hour on a good day.  It feels particularly nice when I squeeze in Kegel fashion, increasing the intensity and making me even hornier.  So it’s not as if I’m not enjoying this; it’s quite lovely and no one seems the wiser.  I’ve even placed my palm on the seat and don’t feel anything out of the ordinary.  So, yes indeed, it lives up to its discreet status very nicely. Still one thing I feel is critical for any vibrator is the ability to turn the damn thing off.  I’m picky like that.

I’m hoping I'll be able to make the two block walk to my office without the egg dropping out.  Luckily, I am wearing panties today.

Addendum:  Walking to work, I noticed a really intense sensation as I continued either to try to turn the egg off or to switch cycles.  When standing, the egg delivered a powerful feeling that seemed to flow from my pussy throughout my entire body.  With each pulse, I felt a wave travel from my cunt and flow deep into my belly.  Nice. Really, really nice.  Also to be noted, is that after being on for over an hour, the toy showed no reduction in vibration, it was still going strong. Now, work out that on/off issue and this toy becomes a definite keeper.

I remember years ago, I had my cell phone on my lap and forgot all about it.  It was in vibrate mode, and when I received a call, I almost hit the roof not expecting my lap to be vibrating.  The naughty girl in me thought what a great idea for a vibrator: something that goes off when you have no control over it. Ladies and gentleman here we have a decent prototype of that device.  The remote Playmate Bullet Vibrator comes with a little remote control and a bullet-style vibe.  Both are made of a velvet-like plastic.  It uses some unusual batteries ( 2 N and one 12–volt), so make sure you plan ahead if you are traveling since these are not your typical dimestore batteries. 

My partner and I played with the remote toy without inserting it first.  Supposedly, you can be 30 feet away and have it work. Well, that’s a joke.  We had issues with it less than 10 feet away.  The remote is definitely clunky.  It reminds me of the remotes at hotels: the buttons never seem to work smoothly.  The instructions supplied with the vibe are on a tiny piece of paper with limited information.  Once we figured out that you had to hold the mode button for a few seconds, we finally got it purring. Holding the button down for 2-3 seconds changed the pattern mode.  Yay! It was finally time to play. 

Inserting the toy was easy, and it has a long enough pull-cord not to fear it getting lost.  It had a nice little vibe to it, and it was pretty hot letting my partner control what was going on.  With a little external help from my usual suspects, I was climaxing in no time.  The remote vibe would definitely be a fun little date toy.  You could wear it to a loud movie or a bar and let your partner decide when it should be turned on or not.  A little anticipation goes a long way in getting a girl wet. 

I was hoping to take it to the movies tonight, but when I went to turn it on, it didn’t work. The batteries had died!  I am assuming it was just the cheap batteries that came with the toy, but since they are specialty batteries, no vibe at the movies for me tonight. My suggestion is removing the 12-volt (remote battery) between each use, so you don’t run into my problem. Overall, the toy is fun but still remains in the novelty category.  For $62 dollars, I expected a lot more.

The Remote Egg Vibe by PHS International retails for around $62 and comes in a no-frills, clear plastic packaging similar to the kind of packaging you might see or inexpensive electronic gadgets in a variety store. The package insert gives a brief description of this toy's special features, which include 10 functions, waterproof, and a 30-foot radius. In the package, there is a black velvet touch (hard) plastic egg vibe that's 2 1/2 in. long and 1 1/4 in. diameter. It has a discrete palm-sized remote control and uses two "N" and one 12 volt batteries (included). Brief instructions on a small piece of paper are also included.

Handing over the power and control of your erotic pleasure to your partner can be an über-rush for both of you! One of you will get the thrill of controlling someone's erotic pleasure while the other has to wait in moist anticipation for those deliciously teasing erotic sensations that come at someone else's whim. This is a wonderful little toy that has great potential for extended foreplay as well as the interplay between secrecy and shamelessness when used discreetly in public places with moderate noise levels (e.g., a restaurant, the opera, or on public transportation).

I played with this remote vibe solo, and it took some time to get used to operating the control and learning to turn it off and on. I recommend taking the time to play around with it at home and getting used to the remote before venturing out in public. Having a full understanding of the time delay between when your partner turns the remote off and when the vibration actually stops is important.

The different vibration settings are fun and give a very nice variety of sensations that go from mild to moderate. Overall, the toy is very quiet, but I would still only use it in a nightclub or some other loud place. The vibe was strong enough to bring me to orgasm when set on one of the moderate level patterned vibe settings.

I really like this toy. It is a bit pricey, retailing for around $62; however, it is well made and for the kind of spicy play that this type of toy offers, it is worth it. If you take the time to practice (Fun, Fun, Fun!) and use your imagination, you and your partner are sure to have some thrilling times!