CARNAL NATION

Lacking balls myself, I can't definitively answer your question, but I think you have good reason to be suspicious.

Going without sex for awhile is not, per se, a source of physical agony, as demonstrated by the many men who abstain for long periods due to voluntary celibacy, other priorities, illness, and so on.

But once sexual arousal sets in, it's a different story. In both men and women, arousal causes blood and other fluids to rush to the genital area. This is the mechanism behind erections, of course, but men's physiological changes also involve the testes and prostate gland. If the urge isn't satisfied forthwith, blood accumulates in the area, a condition known as vasocongestion. (While this stagnant blood does lose oxygen, the balls don't really turn blue.)

The feeling associated with blood engorgement and swelling of sensitive tissues is hard to describe -- it's usually not pain, exactly, but could certainly be called testicular tenderness or pudendal pressure or scrotal soreness. The sensation varies from person to person and can be quite distressing, as illustrated by a case report in a medical journal about a 14-year-old whose burning balls sent him to the emergency room.

Orgasm instantly relieves this tension and restores normal blood flow, but even without it, the feeling usually goes away on its own, either slowly over time or suddenly—as anyone who's been rudely interrupted during sex can attest. While a normal case of blue balls isn't dangerous, priapism—a state of prolonged arousal and erection that won't go away—is a more serious condition that may require medical attention.

The physiological blood congestion doesn't care how it's handled—an orgasm is an orgasm, whether delivered via sucking or fucking or by someone "taking care of himself." Many guys have been known to use blue balls to pressure women for sex, but they've got everything they need in the palm of their hand. (Some people swear by the cold shower treatment, but honestly, doesn't jerking off sound more pleasant?)

The psychological aspect of wanting sex—the desire for closeness, intimacy, and body contact—is something else altogether (though clearly, it's often intertwined with physical arousal). Solo wanking won't satisfy these needs, but a considerate guy should be able to make do for a while until his partner is also available and in the mood (especially if, as with your situation, there's an end in sight). Remind him that good things come to those who wait—and sex can be even hotter after some delicious anticipation!

The short answer: yes and no.

Here’s the yes: for some guys, a state of high arousal for an extended period can cause some discomfort. The genitals and the prostate engorge as part of the sexual response cycle, and ejaculation causes a release of the fluid that fills the prostate and of the blood that fills the prostate, penis and testicles. If ejaculation doesn’t happen, that blood and prostatic fluid can be trapped for a while, and it can be uncomfortable, especially for younger men. And for the record, some women report having a similar experience when they get turned on.

Here’s the no: the balls don’t actually turn blue, and while it can be uncomfortable, it’s not actually dangerous. You were right when you said that all someone has to do is jack off. Once he ejaculates, the discomfort goes away.

If simply being around you is enough to set him off, it seems to me that there are a few options. You could tell him that he can choose to either not see you when you’re too busy for sex or he can keep quiet about his “problem.” Or he could excuse himself for a few minutes and jack off in the bathroom. If your relationship has room for it, he could have sex with someone else. I’m sure there are other possibilities—these are just the first ones that I can think of.

Of course, I can’t tell you whether he was in actual discomfort or whether he was using a line to try to get you to have sex. Since you say that you usually respect him, I’d give him the benefit of the doubt. You might want to have a conversation with him about how to deal with his discomfort due to his arousal when you’re not available for sex. I recommend having that chat some time when you’re not being sexual together. It’ll make it a lot easier.

I also want to acknowledge that a lot of men will try to get their partners to “take care of” their blue balls. We are each responsible for our own sexuality, and no matter how turned on someone is, it isn’t someone else’s job to fix it.

Wow... I’m kinda flabbergasted here. Maybe it’s just my years in the good ol’ San Francisco Bay Area Progressive Freaky Sex Radical Bubble, but I honestly didn’t know they still made young men like the one you’re describing. Don’t get me wrong… sexually coercive, assholish-type men are certainly abundant in any social and/or cultural space that you have—well, men.... it’s such a long standing and unfortunately, ingrained part of male social culture everywhere.

Hearing of a fella that was dumb enough to pull that line out is really shocking to me. I’m saying this kid is dumb to give a big benefit of the doubt, as I guess he’s likely the same age as you (though clearly not nearly as relationship- or sex-savvy), and you’re writing for advice on how to handle this, so you wanna keep him around for at least the time being. So I’m gonna give you a lil’ something-something in that vein.

Yeah, yeah, yeah sure—vasocongestion, as “blue balls” is termed in medical circles, is real, and one of the causes is prolonged periods with lack of orgasmic release. However, that ain’t your frigging problem, and it isn’t anything that your boy couldn’t (and hasn’t) handled on his own with a handful of lotion or lube or baby oil or whatever he could find at the moment things got—gasp!— “unbearable.”  I say this because I’m certain if this guy is as typical as he sounds, he’s been doing plenty of rubbing out to Maxim centerfolds, internet porn, Victoria’s Secret catalogs, and the like at the same time he’s bugging you to relieve him. You don’t really need to feel bad about telling someone who’s behaving as if it’s your responsibility to drop what you’re doing to accommodate his sexual “needs”—there are certainly contexts in which such a scenario can be negotiated and engaged, but this doesn’t seem like one to me.
 
Other than being sexually self-centered and pushy (in this instance at least), if this fella is someone who’s as cool doobie and forward thinking as you suppose, he’ll be receptive and respectful of your boundaries as they are more firmly articulated. If he isn’t, and you still think he’s worth having around, I would suggest that your next conversation with him involve a “teaching moment” regarding the dynamics of coercive sexual behavior, date rape, and the like, as well as its prevalence on college campuses. If he still doesn’t get it, kick his ass to the curb… you’d be doing yourself and possibly some other young women a favor by letting this dude in on the fact that he’s being inappropriate and why. He might even get to a point where he’s pulling the coat tail of his homeboys and calling them out on their behavior when he sees them doing the same. I’m maybe getting ahead of myself here, but I guess that’s just my hopefulness for you. You’re taking good care of yourself, and that’s right on….. Stick to your guns. There’s plenty more dick out there in the world–and a few of them attached to men who are willing to act like they have more sense than a gumshoe. Handle your books, and handle your business, woman. You’re on the right road.