CARNAL NATION

[Publishers Note:   We'd like to remind readers that the Sex Disasters column is taken from the book of the same name, that advice on the internet is no substitute for a real lawyer and that CarnalNation does not endorse or condone in any way the idea of sex with a partner below the legal age of consent. If in doubt don't do it.]

Well, she said she was eighteen...

Uh-oh. This is not such a good situation.

We did the same thing you might wind up doing: we called a lawyer, Robyn Friedmann of Seattle, our favorite kinky criminal defense attorney. She tells us that the first principle here is an ancient and arcane one: don't be a moron. Your one chance of beating a statutory rape rap in most states is if you can prove that you had good reason to believe that your little friend was over 18. Being served drinks in a bar is not adequate proof—bartenders can be fooled, too. If he or she doesn't look well over the age of consent, ask to see an ID.

By the way, 18 is the age of consent in many states, but not all. In some, there are different ages of consent depending on how old the other party is. In others, the age of consent is different for same-sex sex than for opposite-sex sex. If you don't know what the age of consent is in your state, find out.

Robyn invokes another ancient and well-known legal principle: no harm, no foul. If nobody reports that you've been fooling around with a teenager (not the teenager himself or herself, not hte parents, not the best friend, nobody), then you're safe... though you might want to check out the statue of limitations in your state.

Beyond that, how much trouble you're in depends a lot on what you've been up to. If your partner is under 14, you're pretty much screwed, and we suggest calling a good lawyer right away. If s/he's over 16, you're in much better shape, particularly if you're not too much over 18 yourself. Your troubles may also vary depending on what you've been up to—penetrative sex is likely to more of a problem than, say, french kissing or fondling. But regardless of age or activity, if things have gotten to the point that a police report has been made or threatened, you need an attorney.

In general, though, we think sex with minors is a Bad Idea. Don't do it.