CarnalNation

You said in your question that you are looking for a woman to date, though you didn’t reveal your own gender–I hate to assume you’re straight, but it is likely, specifically because you didn’t mention it. I’d like to say orientation doesn’t matter in online dating, but in the Craigslist world, it does. The gay boy boards (m4m) are rarely used for anything but immediate hookups, and the lesbian areas (w4w) are filled with bisexual hookups, men trolling, and, on occasion, real dykes who are quite successful. Many dyke couples I know met on Craigslist, and I have had some success in finding playdates and occasionally dating and friends on there.

But the straight m4w or w4m boards? Honestly, I have no idea. But, regardless, you will have fifty times more luck finding a “mildly kinky, sane woman for a long-term relationship” on Craigslist if you post your own ad rather than respond to any. Women who have posted ads will probably get dozens (at least) of responses – the burden would then be on you to prove yourself as a worthy suitor. But if you post, you will be the one to get the responses, and you get to take your pick. Women who are posting are probably also reading, so don’t worry that you will miss someone. This isn’t to say “don’t respond” – certainly, if you run across an ad that is incredibly appealing, go for it. It’s worth a chance.

One more bit of advice: try posting two ads. In one, describe yourself vaguely, and give one or two characteristics you like in a girl. But keep it very open and vague, saying you’re looking for fun, flirty dates, and to see where it goes. In the second ad, be very specific: describe what you want and what you like. This is where you say “mildly kinky, sane woman for a long-term relationship.” These are two different approaches to dating, and someone who might be intimidated by that scary "long-term-relationship" phrase might still hit it off perfectly with you, and the two of you can then ride off into the sunset together.

One last thing: don’t only meet people on dating sites. The Internet is a big place, full of people connecting with each other. Go anywhere you can have an authentic exchange about a topic you care about – running, sports, your favorite band, wine, or other hobbies & activities – and talk to the people who are involved in those communities. Ning.com is a social networking site by topic: check that out. Look for other discussion boards  or social sites where you can jump in and, if nothing else, practice flirting.

Good luck!